(no subject)
Jacquie says that I make Journal entries too long. But if this is too long, I really don't care. I don't care if people even read my live journal. I just write to get shit off my chest. People can read it if they want, but I don't get offended if they don't.
It's almost three o clock in the morning right now and I'm wide awake. I have so many thoughts running through my mind and I can't sort them out. And they're getting all jumbled up in my head and it's so confusing. I like to think that I can help people, ya know, make people feel better. And I usually do a pretty good job at it, but lately I feel like I can't do shit anymore. Like whatever I do it's not good enough for anybody. I don't really know why I feel this way, but I do.
I mean, what do I do that's productive in my life? I'm fucking worthless. I'm not good in school, I'm not a good friend, I don't have any special talents, I'm not exciting or anything, I'm just...Tori. And lately I hate being Tori because I don't have a purpose in life. And I'm one of those people who needs to feel like she's here for a reason, and when I don't feel like that, I do stupid shit.
I'm suprised I'm not in my room right now, taking all my confusion, sadness, anger, and whatever else I may be feeling, out on myself right now. I've been good though. Most of my scars are almost gone and I'm proud of myself for that. But lately, it's been on my mind a lot. And when I go back to school I think it's just going to get worse. I fucking hate school. I hate everything about it. There's no reason to go.
I think most of the reason that I still go to school is for my friend Kelsey because she's really suicidal. And I'm scared right now because I haven't heard from her all spring break, and she was just put on a medicine that makes you even more suicidal so I'm really scared she did something stupid to herself. I don't know how to handle everything.
I use to write a lot when I felt down. Like, I would write poetry and stuff, but now when I go to write poetry or a song or something, I can't do it. Nothing sounds right. And if I do write something its really stupid and I hate it.
To all my friends who I have added on livejournal, I just want to say I'm sorry. Sorry if I've been a shitty friend lately, or seemed really distant and non-caring. I really am sorry. I don't really know what's gotten into me. And I'm sorry if I haven't been able to make you feel better like I usually do. I'm just sorry for everything. I feel horrible because I feel like everyone's a stranger to me. I don't know anybody anymore.
But, I'm going to go try to sleep, peace out.
It's almost three o clock in the morning right now and I'm wide awake. I have so many thoughts running through my mind and I can't sort them out. And they're getting all jumbled up in my head and it's so confusing. I like to think that I can help people, ya know, make people feel better. And I usually do a pretty good job at it, but lately I feel like I can't do shit anymore. Like whatever I do it's not good enough for anybody. I don't really know why I feel this way, but I do.
I mean, what do I do that's productive in my life? I'm fucking worthless. I'm not good in school, I'm not a good friend, I don't have any special talents, I'm not exciting or anything, I'm just...Tori. And lately I hate being Tori because I don't have a purpose in life. And I'm one of those people who needs to feel like she's here for a reason, and when I don't feel like that, I do stupid shit.
I'm suprised I'm not in my room right now, taking all my confusion, sadness, anger, and whatever else I may be feeling, out on myself right now. I've been good though. Most of my scars are almost gone and I'm proud of myself for that. But lately, it's been on my mind a lot. And when I go back to school I think it's just going to get worse. I fucking hate school. I hate everything about it. There's no reason to go.
I think most of the reason that I still go to school is for my friend Kelsey because she's really suicidal. And I'm scared right now because I haven't heard from her all spring break, and she was just put on a medicine that makes you even more suicidal so I'm really scared she did something stupid to herself. I don't know how to handle everything.
I use to write a lot when I felt down. Like, I would write poetry and stuff, but now when I go to write poetry or a song or something, I can't do it. Nothing sounds right. And if I do write something its really stupid and I hate it.
To all my friends who I have added on livejournal, I just want to say I'm sorry. Sorry if I've been a shitty friend lately, or seemed really distant and non-caring. I really am sorry. I don't really know what's gotten into me. And I'm sorry if I haven't been able to make you feel better like I usually do. I'm just sorry for everything. I feel horrible because I feel like everyone's a stranger to me. I don't know anybody anymore.
But, I'm going to go try to sleep, peace out.