'Kay...
'Kay, I can't believe I'm writing this.. Anywway, here goes..
Hunter, this is.. Uhm, for you, since I can't get ahold of you on AIM.
I'm half asleep, but I mean every word I say..
I miss how we used to be, when I didn't have a damn care in the world,
I spoke free-mindedly, and emotions meant jack shit to me, other than
it made me smile and feel CONTENT when you told me you loved me.. I
guess the arrogant attitude, the.. 'Shut up, woman.' Is very dearly
missed.. It was quite ... I wanna say Endearing, but Endearing isn't
what I'm looking for, though it pops into my head.. It was.. Fun? Yeah,
there we go.. FUN. Lets use baby words..
I miss how.. You would just yell at me, and I'd never open my mouth,
until Everyone started planting IDEAS that I deserve better, that.. no
man should treat me with disrespect infront of people, or in private..
Yet, you were only holding your ground.. Which, is in no way, wrong. I
sit here and listen to Ray rant that he's gonna beat your ass cause I'm
his little 'Angel' and I shouldnt be exposed to such.. 'Violence and
pain' But I wanna say I'm used to it. No, I don't know what pain is, I
only know what loss is, and thast not pain, it just leaves an empty
feeling inside of you.. I'm acting 'EMO', as the cool kids call it..
But I'm not cool, so lets rephrase this.. I'm acting EMOTIONAL, because
I haven't been getting what I want lately. And you KNOW how I am. And
what does Lisa want? Attention, NOT AFFECTION, NOT LOVE, ATTENTION.
Weather it being you calling me a whore, which is normal, or you just
randomly ranting about something that annoys you. ..
Thats where our connection died.. You went one way, because I spoke up
and said that I didn't like the way you were.. Well, if I didn't like
the way you were, then why did I fall inlove with that part of you? The
'I don't care what everyone else thinks, I'm my own person'.. Because I
was constantly fed lies, about how a relationship is supposed to be. I
need NOT to make friends, and stay to myself, you, and anyone else who
is intelligent enough to keep to thier own lives, not mine. Or people
to joke around with that mean jack shit to me. My so called 'Friends'.
Has your computer ever told you that.. 'Connectivety has been lost'?
Well I feel like those words are flashing in big red letters infront of
both of us, and we're just to stubborn, hard headed, and stupid to
care, notice, or even BOTHER to fix it. But you can't fix what has been
broken if only one part is broken.. Yet, you can run with a piece of
something missing.. It can be concieved in two ways. As far as you
'loathing' me.. I hope you do, because there is NOTHING to like about
me, nothing to care about, and NOTHING to adore. Yet, you don't adore
anything.. You don't.. latch onto one thing, and cry when it goes
away.. I did, and look where it got me.. Thats the Hunter I fell inlove
with. If I sit down and THINK about it, You haven't changed. It is I
that has changed.. I believed everything everyone has said and
proceeded to misguide my OWN better judgement.. I let others think for
me.. Instead of me thinking for myself..
Two seperate lives..? Thats nothing new.. No one has EVER lived the
EXACT, or even CLOSE, life style. If we did, humanity would be ONE BIG
BORING BUNDLE OF FUN!! I hope you caught my sarcasm on the word FUN.
Yah, I'm spiffy right now. If we LIVED the same LIVES, It'd be no fun..
No spark, no NOTHING, not saying theres a spark now, but we do FIND
ways to amuse each other. <3
You can.. Not like me, you can hate me.. You can feel guilty for
tugging me along.. You can scream and yell at me.. and I'd love you all
the same.. Because you're you. Not anyone else.. You're you.. and this
isn't the EMOTIONAL OMG FUCK YOU YOU DON'T LOVE ME, Lisa.. This is
the.. Wow, What the hell did I do to myself this time? Lisa. <3 .. I
haven't typed this much in ages.. See what you do to me, meanie? I hate
you. I'm GLAD you don't like me, faggot. <3 I would rather have sex
with my desk than you, boring piece of shit. <3 K bi.
-
Angels Always Cry.