Life lately...
When things go the way we want them to, we feel as though we must be 'in the flow.' When we encounter disappointment, we suspect that we have displeased the god of serendipity. The trouble is, because we like the sensation of success, we try to get it as much as we can. We decide that as life often lets us down, we can expect it to. Then, when our expectation is met, we can at least feel satisfied because our prediction was right...
Boy, it's kinda hard to sit down all melancholy like when you have an adorable puppy pouncing you with attention as he knows what's up! As hard as I look to uproot uncertainty in my well being, he is there to give me a good push. hehe :)
What can I say? Life has really been taking it's toll on me. I do my best to stay focused on what I do at work and what I hope to accomplish with my side business, but I'm not fooling anyone except myself and that's apparent. I tell myself 'nose to the grindstone, you reap what you sow' but I can't help but feel like I'm going no where at all.
Having to move out of my condo was a bigger blow to my ego than I really let surface. I had worked so hard to get to that point, and then only after a few months had managed to wash it away. Unfortunately, the same can be said for pretty much all accomplishments in my life so far.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what has come to pass over the last decade or so of my adult life, and I can't help but feel entirely unfulfilled. I've been spending a lot of time over the last few weeks thinking about what it is I truly desire, a home, a family, fast cars, uprooting and traveling? I don't really seem to have much direction towards what I'm working FOR.
I remember this time last year I was comparing the coming summer to 'the last year at summer camp' but, what the fuck... really? If that's the end of my career as an 'up to no good' young man then I want a re-do. Last summer offered amazing experiences, and I hope I don't discount what I was able to experience; but so have all of those prior. I really need to stop being so uptight and just let loose and learn to enjoy what life has to offer.
Really, my life has little to no meaning other than 'Work hard and...'
and ... ???
I really need to discover some aspects of life worth looking forward to other than my work. It's really wearing me down. I read a quote once that said something along the lines of "Don't focus too much on the future, you'll never appreciate the present."
I've realized that's all I do... 'Someday' this, 'When I..' that. Hell, my job could end up being done by a piece of software if I'm not lucky. I really need to find a few things to live for.
Carpe diem or so they say...
Drunk rants post social event... go me.
Boy, it's kinda hard to sit down all melancholy like when you have an adorable puppy pouncing you with attention as he knows what's up! As hard as I look to uproot uncertainty in my well being, he is there to give me a good push. hehe :)
What can I say? Life has really been taking it's toll on me. I do my best to stay focused on what I do at work and what I hope to accomplish with my side business, but I'm not fooling anyone except myself and that's apparent. I tell myself 'nose to the grindstone, you reap what you sow' but I can't help but feel like I'm going no where at all.
Having to move out of my condo was a bigger blow to my ego than I really let surface. I had worked so hard to get to that point, and then only after a few months had managed to wash it away. Unfortunately, the same can be said for pretty much all accomplishments in my life so far.
I spend a lot of time thinking about what has come to pass over the last decade or so of my adult life, and I can't help but feel entirely unfulfilled. I've been spending a lot of time over the last few weeks thinking about what it is I truly desire, a home, a family, fast cars, uprooting and traveling? I don't really seem to have much direction towards what I'm working FOR.
I remember this time last year I was comparing the coming summer to 'the last year at summer camp' but, what the fuck... really? If that's the end of my career as an 'up to no good' young man then I want a re-do. Last summer offered amazing experiences, and I hope I don't discount what I was able to experience; but so have all of those prior. I really need to stop being so uptight and just let loose and learn to enjoy what life has to offer.
Really, my life has little to no meaning other than 'Work hard and...'
and ... ???
I really need to discover some aspects of life worth looking forward to other than my work. It's really wearing me down. I read a quote once that said something along the lines of "Don't focus too much on the future, you'll never appreciate the present."
I've realized that's all I do... 'Someday' this, 'When I..' that. Hell, my job could end up being done by a piece of software if I'm not lucky. I really need to find a few things to live for.
Carpe diem or so they say...
Drunk rants post social event... go me.