Blah.
I dunno.
I have so much shit on my mind. I dont know where my life is going. I feel like, well..I feel like I'm stuck in fucking, hurricane Rita or something. I'm fucking spiraling downward and I dont know where or when I'm going to land. My entire world is turned around right now. My parents are actually..being nice and supportive where as I cant seem to keep Josh happy for more than 2 seconds. I feel like curling up into a ball. And just crying. For the rest of my life. I'm trying to be strong, not for myself but for Josh. Because he cant...WONT be. And, to make it worse, it's not only mental anguish. My entire body is crapping out on me. My stomach hurts, my head hurts. I keep freaking out on everyone about nothing. My body just feels tired, numb, fucking dead. And I hate it.
I cant sleep, I dont eat at all, I feel like throwing up. I'm just a fucking mess. And I dont know what to do about ANYTHING.
I hate the fact that Josh isnt one of those "take life as it comes" people. I mean, I adore him. I wouldn't trade him for anything. But, when something comes up and we have to deal with it, he's fucking chicken shit. He fucking insults me constantly in the last couple days. I feel so fucking belittled, but I cant fucking stand up because I'm scared to death he'll leave. I mean, him and I are already fighting about one thing, I dont need my pride to get in the way this time.
I dont know. I need to rant. But this isnt the place for it.
I have so much shit on my mind. I dont know where my life is going. I feel like, well..I feel like I'm stuck in fucking, hurricane Rita or something. I'm fucking spiraling downward and I dont know where or when I'm going to land. My entire world is turned around right now. My parents are actually..being nice and supportive where as I cant seem to keep Josh happy for more than 2 seconds. I feel like curling up into a ball. And just crying. For the rest of my life. I'm trying to be strong, not for myself but for Josh. Because he cant...WONT be. And, to make it worse, it's not only mental anguish. My entire body is crapping out on me. My stomach hurts, my head hurts. I keep freaking out on everyone about nothing. My body just feels tired, numb, fucking dead. And I hate it.
I cant sleep, I dont eat at all, I feel like throwing up. I'm just a fucking mess. And I dont know what to do about ANYTHING.
I hate the fact that Josh isnt one of those "take life as it comes" people. I mean, I adore him. I wouldn't trade him for anything. But, when something comes up and we have to deal with it, he's fucking chicken shit. He fucking insults me constantly in the last couple days. I feel so fucking belittled, but I cant fucking stand up because I'm scared to death he'll leave. I mean, him and I are already fighting about one thing, I dont need my pride to get in the way this time.
I dont know. I need to rant. But this isnt the place for it.