Here comes that depression I'm always running from..
Alright.
So I spent the night over my aunts last night. Not to party, just to..get my mind off of things.
Lately, I've been getting more depressed as it goes on. The reason I didn't want to drink on Saturday night: I have alcoholism in my family. I wasnt feeling great, I knew alcohol would help me. I dont want to drink when I'm depressed, because I dont want to start relying on that for comfort. God knows I dont have the money or the time.
I've been having.. "woman intuition" that things really arent everything they should be with Josh. Things just dont feel right. I cant put my finger on what it is, maybe it's just me. I applied for a job the other day at Lowes, I hope I hear from them. Maybe when I get a job, money, and start getting my life together, things will go back to the way they were..Perfect.
And I know, I know..There isnt anything perfect, but there is. I've been there, felt it..I want it back, damnit. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks, I dont know. It might be the fact that Josh is becomming..well, distant and wrapped up in his games, which is what he does when there's something bothering him. He "games it all away"..
Eh. I just feel like complete crap. Things have been changing with Josh. He's been reminding me more and more of my father, telling me to shut up and talking to me like I'm stupid. I cant deal with that anymore, that really has to stop. I'm not living with my father anymore, I'm sorry, but I'm not tolerating feeling how he used to make me feel.
The party's over, guys. From here on, I gotta try to get my ass in gear. I'm gunna get on, try to get a job and stuff. I've had my fun, we've had our fun. But I have to settle down for a bit, get a job, save some money, and then we can have some more fun.
Alright. I'm done. I'm depressed, so I'm prolly gunna take a shower and lay down, wait until Josh gets here. We'll see how things go from there..
So I spent the night over my aunts last night. Not to party, just to..get my mind off of things.
Lately, I've been getting more depressed as it goes on. The reason I didn't want to drink on Saturday night: I have alcoholism in my family. I wasnt feeling great, I knew alcohol would help me. I dont want to drink when I'm depressed, because I dont want to start relying on that for comfort. God knows I dont have the money or the time.
I've been having.. "woman intuition" that things really arent everything they should be with Josh. Things just dont feel right. I cant put my finger on what it is, maybe it's just me. I applied for a job the other day at Lowes, I hope I hear from them. Maybe when I get a job, money, and start getting my life together, things will go back to the way they were..Perfect.
And I know, I know..There isnt anything perfect, but there is. I've been there, felt it..I want it back, damnit. I've been feeling this way for a couple weeks, I dont know. It might be the fact that Josh is becomming..well, distant and wrapped up in his games, which is what he does when there's something bothering him. He "games it all away"..
Eh. I just feel like complete crap. Things have been changing with Josh. He's been reminding me more and more of my father, telling me to shut up and talking to me like I'm stupid. I cant deal with that anymore, that really has to stop. I'm not living with my father anymore, I'm sorry, but I'm not tolerating feeling how he used to make me feel.
The party's over, guys. From here on, I gotta try to get my ass in gear. I'm gunna get on, try to get a job and stuff. I've had my fun, we've had our fun. But I have to settle down for a bit, get a job, save some money, and then we can have some more fun.
Alright. I'm done. I'm depressed, so I'm prolly gunna take a shower and lay down, wait until Josh gets here. We'll see how things go from there..