So say we all...
I can't believe the day I get married will make 4 years that I have been with Mat or that we have been friends for 6 years. I can't believe his friend Devon had a kid a few weeks ago or that My best friend who I have known for 7 years will be having her first baby in October. She actually sent me a recording of the heart beat through a text message at her first appointment last week which made me cry a little. I don't feel as old as I am. I also don't feel as productive and successful as I should be. I feel like a chunk of my teenage years had been spent trying to fix all of my emotional problems. I feel more optimistic and happier then I have ever been or at least in awhile. So I know things our better. Depression and anxiety has been a bitch to deal with. I feel like I have conquered or at least have gotten a lot better about those issues. It's hard but possible to deal with and of course several months short of the one year of me feeling empowered because It had been almost a year since I got off of all my anti-depressents and anxiety medication that I had been on since I was 11. I got diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. At first I felt like God has punished me. Because how! can someone who has been dealing with such a huge issue their entire life (depression/anxiety) then to finally feel some relief because of therapy have to be struck with something like this. I feel like I am starting to become ok with it. I went back to therapy but a different place when I first found out and even joined an assertive womens group which, I felt wasn't for me. It helped in other ways though. The other day I sort of had this faith realization. I am not a very religious person but I feel like I am supposed to deal with this like it's my duty maybe thats why I have it to be a stronger person and grow from that. I have grown and have defeated depression and anxiety in my mind so I feel like even though I can't really beat this I can live with and become a better person because of it.