SDHSMUNC
I'm back from my weekend in San Diego at the PAXMUN SDHSMUN Conference.
Though originally I was to be a co-director of OAS with blueashes, as more than half the original staff didn't show up, at least one committee was eliminated, the remaining ones had one chairperson each, and I was the director (President actually) of Security Council.
But first I had to get there...
Getting Shafted by Airport Security
I have a strong aversion to airport security checkpoints, possibly because I almost always get "randomly" selected for further screening. The trip down was no exception.
Having taken off my chain, chocker, bracelet-thing, braces (suspenders), and belt and put it through the x-ray machine with my bag, briefcase, laptop & docs, I was somewhat surprised to not set anything off in the metal detector.
Arriving on the other side however, I found that my gavel had caught the interest of the security guard. They conferred with their co-workers and the supervisor (the one with black epaulettes), before concluding that it was "club-like" and certainly couldn't be taken on the aircraft.
The security guard removed the shaft of the gavel, leaving me with the gavel head (which was probably at least as dangerous as the object originally was).
Club-like?! Yes I suppose it is shaped like a club, the suspect qualities of a gavel stop there however. (A) if one happened to be holding a gavel when one got into a fight one would more than likely discard the gavel; (B) it is not long enough to allow any greater striking distance or leverage force than one would have fighting with ones fists, and would certainly break under less force than a fist could administer (C) for the aforementioned reasons one would be better off attempting to hijack an aircraft with their bare hands (D) items regularly allowed on aircraft, such as sharpened pencils and belts, are significantly better weapons than a gavel; and finally (E) a gavel is a symbol of justice, its destruction in the name of "security" therefore seems extremely ironic and allegorical of broader obstruction of justice in the name of state security.
Anyway, once I had been thus shafted, and replaced my numerous metallic accoutrements, a security guard admitted to me that she thought anti-gavel one was being too fascist, and then another security guard suddenly "realized" that my ticket indicated I should be randomly selected for further screening.
And so, there ensued a second sending of my boots through the x-ray machine, removing most of the metal accoutrements again and a pat down with the hand-held metal detector, some frowning over the metal bracelet-thing, and finally I was released. I was the last person on the aircraft with five minutes remaining.
The following I wrote during the conference itself:
Field Report: SDHSMUNC
04/23/04 - 1310hrs
I am currently sitting at the dais in my committee room during the lunch break. I've spent my lunch break reading for HIS138C (about Russian peasant rebellions, "jacqueries") and (now) writing in my livejournal, because I'm just That Cool.
It kinda smells like a gym in here actually /= Annd.. PAXMUN CEO Stephen Lunich just came in here and talked to me. Fortunately he wandered off after about five minutes.
Quotes
"No one else is here yet?? Stephen's supposed to be here. Where's the nearest bar??" --Governor-General Josha Crabtree -- 04/22 1400hrs
"...face it Josha, this conference is a lost cause." --Under-Secretary-General Beckie Harris -- 04/22 1500hrs
"...you may end up hating us... I mean that is your right & responsibility." --the above -- 04/22 1600hrs
”...and that man over there, the CEO, is what we call a staggering drunkard.” --the above -- 04/22 2200hrs
"I know how we can get [CEO Stephen] Lunich to resign... catch him at the right moment and say 'Stephen, we'll give you this firewater if you sign here...'" --Chuck, Chairman of UNICEF, 04/25 1100hrs
04/24/04 - 1308hrs - and now its lunchtime, Saturday. We have six staff members putting on this conference, which is kind of a ridiculously small number. The official Secretary-General, who should be in charge and should have done most of the planning, has not been involved in the conference and is NOT EVEN PRESENT. Hence the USG is in charge. The Governor-General is superior to the USG but the USG is in charge. Similarly, if we had two chairpersons per committee, which we don’t, the “Chair” would do most of the work / running the committee while the “Director” has higher rank and has final discretion in everything.
This would make a little sense if the Director was the more experience person.. I guess.. though why you wouldn’t want them to do more of the running of committee I cannot fathom, BUT realizing that new people aren’t as good at chairing, PAXMUN tends to put the less experienced people in the HIGHER ranking position.
The mistakes in the program, credentials, and placards, which are entirely the fault of someone not present, indicate the existence of at least 8 new counties, my favorite of which is “Bloivia.” There was also Guinean, whose major export is hotel-room bibles. Then there was the fact that pages 2 and 3 of the program were identical…
04/25/04 - 1139hrs - I was the first one here, and now I’m the last one here. My parents are supposed to arrive around 12:15 and I’ll hang out with them until my flight around 3pm.
Other thoughts from committee:
China kept trying to make jokes that had absolutely nothing to do with anything, such as “China would like to change its name to The Magical Land of Cheese,” which he apparently thought was hilarious. Finally I had to explain to him that “jokes that do not relate to MUN, international relations, or our committee, will NEVER be in order here.” He seemed to have a grave misunderstanding of the fact that in order for something to be funny it has to have SOMETHING to do with SOMETHING real.
“Grinada” from OAS, who wanted to be Syria in my committee, looked just like a younger Rob Roy (robroy10280). The rest of secretariat decided that a number of delegates, including the aformentioned and Guinea from my committee were “pocket-sized.” Incidentally, this grinada delegate is the only delegate I have ever kicked out of a room.
Germany tells me that I used the word “scamper” 9 times in the court of the conference.
Had a delicious lunch with the parentals at a mexican restaurant in old town San Diego, and then I headed back up to Davis. The end.
Related
Airplanes & Racists: A previous adventure w/ the Sacremento Airport security checkpoint.
Year Ago Last Wednesday: Two Stories
ENL5F-071: Monologue of a Liar
ENL5F-082: The Legend of Boot -- Actually its only the begining of the story that are linked to that lj entry. On any account, I demand that everyone immediately read the full version.
Year Ago Thursday: Hotel Kris
Year Ago Friday: My Day as a Poem
Year Ago Saturday: God Damn Half Japanese Girls
Year Ago Sunday: Chauffering Kristy, & the Brown Act
Year Ago Today: Ramen Trove II