(no subject)
haha. so i vowed to never write in this again but i lied. perhaps i am the world's biggest hypocrite according to everyone in lake mary but i'm also the happiest hypocrite alive and if i sound pompous when i say that then i'm sorry but i really am happy. however, i've started to realize that my happiness isn't all that matters. i've made a lot of mistakes and i've realized them but i need to start putting some changes into action. talking to melissa ford last night about the issues of my personality i've come to many conclusions about what i need to do to be a better person.
1. i tend to preach things as a humanist but i need to start applying them to my own life instead of telling others what to do.
2. i don't put myself in other people's shoes enough and i see a lot of people for their hatred not their love. i need to start being a lot more empathetic.
3. it's one thing to tell someone that you forgive them... it's another thing to actually feel a complete lack of hostility and a feeling of true forgiveness. i think i've forgiven a lot of people on the surface but deep down i still hold grudges and i need to stop that.
4. i've been upset with people because they don't recognize my kind gestures and/or my genoristy and have instead focused on my flaws but have i even acknowledged everything they've done for me? have i seen their love instead of their hatred? i probably haven't and i need to.
5. i've hurt so many people in the past with my two-sidedness. much of the time as sick as it sounds i found it entertaining. my morality is clearly twisted and flawed and i must start correcting my actions.
thank you melissa for helping me to understand myself better. now... there are a few things i'd like to clear up with some lake mary people who have started rumors or made assumptions without talking to the source. i did not "fuck" my girlfriend lindsay at beth's house on her family room floor... we made out but did nothing else. ryan wrote that we fucked on elyse's livejournal and i meant to clear that up because what he wrote was bullshit. we haven't had sex so stop spreading these false words around. i love my girlfriend lindsay and i deeply respect her and i respect myself and i care about our long-term emotions more so than short-term physical needs... so please stop this bullshit about me being a disrespectful asshole to my girlfriend who i am in love with.
i'll end with a nice valentines day picture of both of us. ahh... she's so beautiful. :)
1. i tend to preach things as a humanist but i need to start applying them to my own life instead of telling others what to do.
2. i don't put myself in other people's shoes enough and i see a lot of people for their hatred not their love. i need to start being a lot more empathetic.
3. it's one thing to tell someone that you forgive them... it's another thing to actually feel a complete lack of hostility and a feeling of true forgiveness. i think i've forgiven a lot of people on the surface but deep down i still hold grudges and i need to stop that.
4. i've been upset with people because they don't recognize my kind gestures and/or my genoristy and have instead focused on my flaws but have i even acknowledged everything they've done for me? have i seen their love instead of their hatred? i probably haven't and i need to.
5. i've hurt so many people in the past with my two-sidedness. much of the time as sick as it sounds i found it entertaining. my morality is clearly twisted and flawed and i must start correcting my actions.
thank you melissa for helping me to understand myself better. now... there are a few things i'd like to clear up with some lake mary people who have started rumors or made assumptions without talking to the source. i did not "fuck" my girlfriend lindsay at beth's house on her family room floor... we made out but did nothing else. ryan wrote that we fucked on elyse's livejournal and i meant to clear that up because what he wrote was bullshit. we haven't had sex so stop spreading these false words around. i love my girlfriend lindsay and i deeply respect her and i respect myself and i care about our long-term emotions more so than short-term physical needs... so please stop this bullshit about me being a disrespectful asshole to my girlfriend who i am in love with.
i'll end with a nice valentines day picture of both of us. ahh... she's so beautiful. :)