nude photo's and the past
I keep thinking about this conversation i had earlier today with this kid i used to know....as we were talking i started having this vivid memory of this time when i was 14 and i wanted him to take naked pictures of me..i cant remember exactly why..
I used to watch porn in his dorm room with him so we sortof had that relationship
And so after a few weeks of talking about it, he took them and i guess they were pretty good..(i mastrubated on my bed for the shoot) And he stood ontop of the dorm room dresser for a better angle with a giant erection sticking thorugh his baggy black jeans; he stayed focused for on the photos. But the photographs are lost..I think they never uploaded on to the computer propperly so i had to delete them cuz i was borowing the cam.
And so in this moment, I feel very sad. I suppose I just miss that virginic, pure, lustfull time of my life. Before men were really dirty to me and sex was tainted and my body had any flaws. Maybe I am jealous of the lolita I used to be. Maybe I'm in tears because I am afraid of my future. (I am, afterall turning 18 in a week now) and I am just slipping further and further away from the childish lolita that was so much of my identity back then. Maybe I wish my body hadn't been through so much sex in so few years, so fast, so young. Maybe, alot of things. All I know is that I'm sad right now.
I just wish i had the pictures.
I used to watch porn in his dorm room with him so we sortof had that relationship
And so after a few weeks of talking about it, he took them and i guess they were pretty good..(i mastrubated on my bed for the shoot) And he stood ontop of the dorm room dresser for a better angle with a giant erection sticking thorugh his baggy black jeans; he stayed focused for on the photos. But the photographs are lost..I think they never uploaded on to the computer propperly so i had to delete them cuz i was borowing the cam.
And so in this moment, I feel very sad. I suppose I just miss that virginic, pure, lustfull time of my life. Before men were really dirty to me and sex was tainted and my body had any flaws. Maybe I am jealous of the lolita I used to be. Maybe I'm in tears because I am afraid of my future. (I am, afterall turning 18 in a week now) and I am just slipping further and further away from the childish lolita that was so much of my identity back then. Maybe I wish my body hadn't been through so much sex in so few years, so fast, so young. Maybe, alot of things. All I know is that I'm sad right now.
I just wish i had the pictures.