Does He Miss Me?

May 23, 2004 22:15

What a great weekend! Lost my boyfriend and 2 of my best friends. I'll take "the greatest weekend of my life!" for $2000 Alex.

The worst part of it all was Saturday...I was in such a daze because it all happened so fast, yet somehow, it seemed to last forever.

There were a few times where I had to leave my house because I was too upset to be around my family...I dont want them to know whats going on because they ask too many questions and all I'll get is "well if you weren't gay this wouldn't happen". Bull-shit. Things like this happen in straight relationships too.

Michelle picked me up and we went for a drive around the country roads for a few hours. It was nice to be out in the wide open spaces and relfect on things...I love doing that.

After that, Kim (my last life line/best friend) came over to help me feel better. She stopped at the store and got me some Ben & Jerry's (Uncanny Cashew...my favorite!) Then she took me out to dinner (kind of backwards...isn't it?). But I felt better just having her company. I owe her so much...she's been here for me since the VERY beginning...she'll never know how much I love her.

Saturday night/Sunday morning (approx. 2:00 a.m.) Carissa decided to fulfill her "best friend duties" and come over to comfort me. Yeah...that lasted a whole 15 minutes. She was gone faster than she came, and when she left I was so mad, I told her to lock the door when she left...I didn't even bother getting out of bed to walk her out. (What, and ruin the moment I was having crying into my pillow because she wouldn't even hug me? I dont think so!)

Sunday was a little better. I wanted to get up and go to church, but I decided to sleep instead...God understands what I'm going through and I think he'd want me to sleep anyways...crying is the most theraputic form of relief.

I really didn't do much before I had to go to work. I was kind of out of it at work because I had not heard from Airick since I left Saturday morning. I just kept wondering what he was doing, HOW he was doing, and if he missed me as much as I missed him.

I think thats the biggest thing for me right now...I wanted so much to text or call him, just to know he was ok, but I didn't. I just want to know if he misses me as much as I miss him, and to know that I'm not alone in how I feel about the situation.

When I got off work, I went to see my sister (she always makes me feel better). Then I went to Kim's and we just hung out. I actually didn't cry today! Being with her makes me cry because I know I can cry around her, but I didn't; I was strong!

Anyways, I'm gonna go do my homework thats due in 8 hours, then try to get some sleep and make it through the night without crying. Feelin' good about it, but I'll keep ya posted! G'night!
+Eric+
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