home is where the...i mean my family is...
I called sondra yesterday for my usual information of how california is doing without me... and had disturbing news that my parents....including sondra and ben have 72 hours to beout of the house from the time that that notice is posted... recieved and ackowledged... i have not spoken to my parents since this has happened.. Sondra Understands that i need not worry my parents with my worrying about them. I am nineteen... and they are in their fifties... they can take care of themselves... but i recieved some oddlydisturbing news from my father yesterday which will be summed up even from the summary of what he told me.
my Oma (granmother on my dads side) is an old crotchy bitchy women who thinks the world is out to get her. She is the only living grandparent that i have left. She yelled at my dad for having debt... car payment debt.. because she can pay for the car with cash... which i think is rude... what i also found out is in 1st grade when my mom got into the car accident and almost died... and we went bankrupt... that she said it was our own damn fault and refused to lend us the money for lawyer fees and medical bills becuase to her it wasnt worth it... as my mom was in the hospital for WEEKS! (all this in 1995.. i lied second grade) she promptly decided then to yell at my father and tell him that he was worthless and needed to learn how to support his family and that he was a bad father... now i have quarrels with my dad, but last i checked im coming out alright. She is horrible to her family... and the love i have for her is turning to hate.
as for the love life... im stuck... and i think i just need to accept the fact im not good enough for him although he leads me on to be... i dont mind being physially lead on... but emotionally... i wonder. thats the hard stuff. I have a new understanding friend and i appreciate him letting me vent just as he can vent to me. I like my new friends... and i am glad that they are here helping me.
as for my old friends... i love you just like family and im sorry that we are in "a garbage dump of a situation" (from Juno).
I dont think im capable of loving anymore if i so willing to not give him a chance. but instead i am letting myself get pulled along.
what the fuck am i suppposeeed to do.
my Oma (granmother on my dads side) is an old crotchy bitchy women who thinks the world is out to get her. She is the only living grandparent that i have left. She yelled at my dad for having debt... car payment debt.. because she can pay for the car with cash... which i think is rude... what i also found out is in 1st grade when my mom got into the car accident and almost died... and we went bankrupt... that she said it was our own damn fault and refused to lend us the money for lawyer fees and medical bills becuase to her it wasnt worth it... as my mom was in the hospital for WEEKS! (all this in 1995.. i lied second grade) she promptly decided then to yell at my father and tell him that he was worthless and needed to learn how to support his family and that he was a bad father... now i have quarrels with my dad, but last i checked im coming out alright. She is horrible to her family... and the love i have for her is turning to hate.
as for the love life... im stuck... and i think i just need to accept the fact im not good enough for him although he leads me on to be... i dont mind being physially lead on... but emotionally... i wonder. thats the hard stuff. I have a new understanding friend and i appreciate him letting me vent just as he can vent to me. I like my new friends... and i am glad that they are here helping me.
as for my old friends... i love you just like family and im sorry that we are in "a garbage dump of a situation" (from Juno).
I dont think im capable of loving anymore if i so willing to not give him a chance. but instead i am letting myself get pulled along.
what the fuck am i suppposeeed to do.