and to be completely honest...oh wait, i can't...
i wish i had the power to express myself in words that would leave an impact on people. i see how some of you can say something so amazingly deep/beautiful/meaningful that it makes me take a step back and think...actually think about what you're feeling. i feel that these entries of mine lack that effect. it seems as though i'm just whining about something or making mention of a good thing that broke up a day to day feeling of loss. there really is so much more...i just have a terribly difficult time putting it all into words. there are so many things i want you to know and understand and consider but there's this thing in me that's making me hold back. it leaves me feeling like i'm lying to myself and you. it makes me doubt myself. it makes me hold onto things that i just can't anymore. it makes me throw myself into relationships that i shouldn't. supposedly i'm worth more than that, but i can't see it. sometimes i wish there was a way that people could just look into your eyes and know everything you feel for them, about them, when you're with them, when you're without them...just everything. deep down i know that would NEVER work...but sometimes i think it makes sense. i'm sorry if this didn't make much sense or if it just sounded like me babbling again...but i tried.