Media nox obscura nox, crudelitas animarum
mid-night dark-night, cruelty of souls.
(latin)
A month or two ago I thought this would be one of the best summers of all. A couple days ago I thought this summer would be a great summer, but now its all too clear that this summer is going to be like all the rest.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm cursed. Destiny, or so it seems, wants me to be alone for a while longer. Dont get to know me, something will come up to make you go away. I want to spare myself that recurring pain by being completely numb from it all in the first place.
Whenever I talk to other people about this shit all I hear is "Its not true", "You're a great guy, the sweetest ever", ect. Sure that may make me feel a little better, but at the end of the day, which I have spent alone, it really doesnt seem to ring true. Should I change who I am? Cause at this point I'm sorry, but I think everyone is lying to me. I am a horrible person, and I know why, because of this. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. I care too much about everyone, be wreckless with your heart and your going to have it wrecked.
Ashley taught me what it was to care
Bebi taught me what it was to obsess
Terra taught me what it was to be not good enough
Nicole taught me what it was to be teased
Desirae taught me what it was to be rejected
How many more lessons do I have left to learn? Its like school, so much potential hidden inside me but I still fail.
Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colors into one
And if you come undone
As if youd been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if youre stuck in square one
Random song lyrics, but it seems to fit with how things are. I wonder if my chance will ever come. Coldplay sings to my soul. As sabrina said I am the king of randomness, and she, my queen. hehehe
Random Facts:
I do find it amusing how much randomness I've managed to spit onto this text document, quite frankly no one cares, and no one will ever read this, cause I dont matter. Its a proven fact, I guess this is more for me to vent my shit before anyone sees me, I mean, I have to smile all the time, or else I'm not me, but could you belive that Davis never smiles when hese alone. Thats because even the glancing presence of a friend makes me happier then anything else could.
Someday I'm going to find someone to hug and whisper to, those conversations you can barely tell two people are having when one is on the others lap, only god knows what is said, well god and the two people in the conversation, but thats a given. If you have ever done that, you should tell me what people say when they do that, so I can save that information for future reference. I have been taking mental notes on that shit for like years. Alot of it gets lost in the bellowing, empty caverns and canyons of my less then perfect mind, but hopefully I managed to pack away the most important details.
This has to be the longest lj entry ever. Somehow I do feel better though, isin't that novel? I bet it will wear off in like 5 mins, haha.
Someone save me, please.
(latin)
A month or two ago I thought this would be one of the best summers of all. A couple days ago I thought this summer would be a great summer, but now its all too clear that this summer is going to be like all the rest.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm cursed. Destiny, or so it seems, wants me to be alone for a while longer. Dont get to know me, something will come up to make you go away. I want to spare myself that recurring pain by being completely numb from it all in the first place.
Whenever I talk to other people about this shit all I hear is "Its not true", "You're a great guy, the sweetest ever", ect. Sure that may make me feel a little better, but at the end of the day, which I have spent alone, it really doesnt seem to ring true. Should I change who I am? Cause at this point I'm sorry, but I think everyone is lying to me. I am a horrible person, and I know why, because of this. THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE. I care too much about everyone, be wreckless with your heart and your going to have it wrecked.
Ashley taught me what it was to care
Bebi taught me what it was to obsess
Terra taught me what it was to be not good enough
Nicole taught me what it was to be teased
Desirae taught me what it was to be rejected
How many more lessons do I have left to learn? Its like school, so much potential hidden inside me but I still fail.
Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colors into one
And if you come undone
As if youd been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if youre stuck in square one
Random song lyrics, but it seems to fit with how things are. I wonder if my chance will ever come. Coldplay sings to my soul. As sabrina said I am the king of randomness, and she, my queen. hehehe
Random Facts:
- Yeah, I did kiss a girl once, I was 6 years old.
- I can count on two hands how many times I've hugged a girl.
- Only female mosquitoes bite you, those nasty bitches.
- Coldplay is the best band ever.
- OK, get this, there was this n00b, and he was accusing ME of hacking, ME AHAH N00B?!
- I mean, me, HACKING? roflsauce d00d.
I do find it amusing how much randomness I've managed to spit onto this text document, quite frankly no one cares, and no one will ever read this, cause I dont matter. Its a proven fact, I guess this is more for me to vent my shit before anyone sees me, I mean, I have to smile all the time, or else I'm not me, but could you belive that Davis never smiles when hese alone. Thats because even the glancing presence of a friend makes me happier then anything else could.
Someday I'm going to find someone to hug and whisper to, those conversations you can barely tell two people are having when one is on the others lap, only god knows what is said, well god and the two people in the conversation, but thats a given. If you have ever done that, you should tell me what people say when they do that, so I can save that information for future reference. I have been taking mental notes on that shit for like years. Alot of it gets lost in the bellowing, empty caverns and canyons of my less then perfect mind, but hopefully I managed to pack away the most important details.
This has to be the longest lj entry ever. Somehow I do feel better though, isin't that novel? I bet it will wear off in like 5 mins, haha.
Someone save me, please.