(no subject)
Entry I
I always picked up on the weirdest things in life. For example, when someone looks at the sky they usually just glance for where the sun is or just for the sake of looking up, I on the other hand look for the clouds and try to count how many there are. My friends always said I was like that because of the music I listened to but I never believed them and kept on listening to my music and counting clouds. It wasn't a hobby or anything of mine to count clouds, it was just one of the things I did. I remember a girl I used to talk to told me that I was "obsessive compulsive" but I never remember obsessing over anything and being compulsive about it. I guess that's just a part of it. It's good to hear the advice of other people before you get involved in something you don't know.
Unfortunately for me, I never had anyone infront of me to observe and learn from so I knew what was what and what was right and what was wrong. I was the kind of guy that had no idea what "miles per gallon" was and went out and bought a car that got 10 miles per gallon and thought I was getting a dream car. Even if it was from a million years ago or something like that. I guess that was a part of being compulsive, just doing things on the spot I mean, but I don't know. It's hard to judge things when they're in the past, but it's even harder to judge them when they're happening.
I used to have some very close friends- the kind that you promise to grow up and become rich with when you're little kids- but stuff would always come up and I never knew why. I guess it was just a part of the places and people that we met, the way we changed our ideas, how we molded into little figurines that looked nice wherever we were. Maybe it was because we dressed up and acted like surfers everytime we went to the beach or maybe it was because we put on suits and ties and acted like business men at work. Maybe it was because we didn't. Either way, something has to happen to us individually for someone to finally not want to be associated with us, or help us for that matter. Life is all about the people you meet. Close friends are nice and all, don't get me wrong, but they can be replaced just like a kid working for a company. Just another spec in the huge spectrum.
I bet you're wondering where I'm going with this, but my therapist said it was good to let your thoughts wander. Sometimes we don't think we're getting anywhere when really we're bound straight for something incredible. Some people call that luck, others call it destiny. I call it both. Sometimes when we don't have anyone in our lives to watch to learn from, we tend to watch other people in hopes of learning from them. Sort of like when there's a huge fire and a building is burning down, people crowd around to see it just by nature curious to see how the building will fall.
That's exactly how I acted when I started my job in "the cubes."