(no subject)
There is always a time and a place for something, I mean, look at TV. Every show has it's own channel and time, and when it gets shifted to another time or place, people, like, get uneasy, I think. They just don't want to, uh, change. So why bother saying this? I don't know. Sometimes it's just right, and that's all I need.
I don't think of this too much, this little story, I mean. I tend to block out what I don't like, what I don't think is right, but someone once told me that "bad memories mustn't be forgotten" because they're still memories, I guess. I never know how to say what I feel, because, I guess, I never really feel. I read something once that said horror films and pornography make people callous, as in they become void of emotion. Well, I have seen a lot of horror films and, yeah, I guess I've seen some porno too, but I really can't stand porn, it's too fake.
Another person once told me I was a horrible person, another that I was evil. I've been the devil and his son. I've been traitorous and rebellious. I've been a saint and a missionary. I have been born, born again, dead to sin, plain dead, and alive again. I've been happy and I've been sad, and whatever falls in between. I have loved and I have hated. I have felt all that I can feel from angst to joy. Where do I stand, how does this affect me?
Sorry, I wish I knew.
I used to think of myself as low and useless and then people told me I was not. I used to think of myself as average and mediocre, but people told me I was not that either. Then I decided not to think about it anymore because I never got it right. I just fell out of place, I guess, and it became a waste of time.
Before I get started on what it was I really want to say, I have to get one more thing off my chest ,I guess. I met someone online through some sort of game and because that game was utterly pointless, we just sort of talked. I guess that's a good thing, because it killed time. Things are always happy and always good until something gets in the way, I think. I didn't really feel anything around that particular time of my life, I guess I had blocked it out if I did. But we were talking, I think, and she asked me if there was anything I wanted. I forgot what I asked, if I did at all, but I remember that I asked her what I could do for her. Now, before you wonder what the hell I mean or felt after she said what she did, let me explain. We both lived in California. The ocean is to the west. The sun sets in the west. We watched it set whenever we had the chance and it sort of became a bond between us and that's all that mattered.
She said I gave her an eternity of sunsets.
For the first time in years I felt
happy.
I felt
real.
I felt.
Then I wanted it all to go away
I bet you're confused by now and this is a blob of gibberish, but, just, I, well... look, just ignore this. Block it out., I regret spending the time on it, now. I don't know if I'll do the real thing, the story I mean.
I guess I will.
It feels… right…
I don't think of this too much, this little story, I mean. I tend to block out what I don't like, what I don't think is right, but someone once told me that "bad memories mustn't be forgotten" because they're still memories, I guess. I never know how to say what I feel, because, I guess, I never really feel. I read something once that said horror films and pornography make people callous, as in they become void of emotion. Well, I have seen a lot of horror films and, yeah, I guess I've seen some porno too, but I really can't stand porn, it's too fake.
Another person once told me I was a horrible person, another that I was evil. I've been the devil and his son. I've been traitorous and rebellious. I've been a saint and a missionary. I have been born, born again, dead to sin, plain dead, and alive again. I've been happy and I've been sad, and whatever falls in between. I have loved and I have hated. I have felt all that I can feel from angst to joy. Where do I stand, how does this affect me?
Sorry, I wish I knew.
I used to think of myself as low and useless and then people told me I was not. I used to think of myself as average and mediocre, but people told me I was not that either. Then I decided not to think about it anymore because I never got it right. I just fell out of place, I guess, and it became a waste of time.
Before I get started on what it was I really want to say, I have to get one more thing off my chest ,I guess. I met someone online through some sort of game and because that game was utterly pointless, we just sort of talked. I guess that's a good thing, because it killed time. Things are always happy and always good until something gets in the way, I think. I didn't really feel anything around that particular time of my life, I guess I had blocked it out if I did. But we were talking, I think, and she asked me if there was anything I wanted. I forgot what I asked, if I did at all, but I remember that I asked her what I could do for her. Now, before you wonder what the hell I mean or felt after she said what she did, let me explain. We both lived in California. The ocean is to the west. The sun sets in the west. We watched it set whenever we had the chance and it sort of became a bond between us and that's all that mattered.
She said I gave her an eternity of sunsets.
For the first time in years I felt
happy.
I felt
real.
I felt.
Then I wanted it all to go away
I bet you're confused by now and this is a blob of gibberish, but, just, I, well... look, just ignore this. Block it out., I regret spending the time on it, now. I don't know if I'll do the real thing, the story I mean.
I guess I will.
It feels… right…