how ironic...
i was just talking to emily about posting here. how i really dont have anything to say anymore. how i wish i had something to write. how i wish i could write like i used to. no matter how stupid or young i sounded, id just like to be able to express myself in this form once again. after what i just watched, now i have something to write about.
september 11, 2001.
i walked into my photography class and remember thinking no one was there because i didnt see anything when i first walked in. then i looked to my right and saw maybe 4 or 5 people including tich in front of the tv watching a burning building. "what happened?" i asked...someone responded "a plane crashed into one of the world trade center towers." I said "wheres that? seattle?" how ironic...my best friend lives in manhattan and i LOVE new york and i don't even know anything about it. as the day passed, i remember worrying about my family. especially my mom and my uncle. i found out that my uncle was one of the first firefighter stations on the scene at the pentagon.
God, when i think of what he had to endure, it makes me cringe. it makes me want to cry and grab him and hug him and never let go. it makes me want to tell him 24/7 how much i love him and respect him. how much i respect firefighters. all of them. their courage. their bravery. i don't think i could ever run towards a burning building. i know what he saw. he never told me and never will. but i know what he saw. and its so unbelievably......speechless. i just can't even comprehend what it would be like to be in his shoes.....any of their shoes. its live changing.
i was crazy worried about shireen and miss. betty. and of course, phones were down so i couldn't get ahold of them for a while. they were fine thank God but i always was concerned how they reacted to it. i found out when i went to new york years later. i remember sitting in a restaurant w/ the two of them talking about that day. they both just brushed it off their shoulders. said it didnt really bother them that much and that it was over so they didn't know why people still talked about it. they never showed any emotion to it. i never understood that and i probably never will. i guess i thought it was their way of dealing.
and today. looking at peoples status on facebook. its amazing how uncaring people are. "______ is sick of this 9-11 bullshit" are you for real? thousands of people died because mentally ill non-human beings decided they hate america and wanted to kill people from all over this world. and you think its bullshit that its been 7 years and people are still hurting? you think its bullshit that the families of those killed are still mourning the loss of people that should have lived many many many more years? innocent people? obviously you have no heart. obviously you do not care about people. obviously you are a moron.
listen, im not going to make this tragedy my life. i will not let it run my life or my decisions. bad things happen to good people. bad things happen period. unfortunatly there are terrorists in this world and unfortunatly i live in a country that is hated by others. but i cannot do anything about that. i can only lift my head higher and show them that they will not ruin my spirit. they will not make me fear life or death. they will not take away my patriotic love for my country. and they sure as hell will not change who i am.
but i wil not forget that day either. i will never forget the fear i had for my family. for my friends. for my future.
all of this because i watched a show on the history channel that had video clips from hundreds of people in manhattan on september 11, 2001. then i watched as 6 of those people talked about taping that day. i felt like i was going through it all over again. honestly, i dont ever want to see that again. my insides are tangled, i feel like i want to cry but its all caught in my throat, and i can't even think of sleep now. and i feel like i still have more to say, but once again, that gate has closed.
september 11, 2001.
i walked into my photography class and remember thinking no one was there because i didnt see anything when i first walked in. then i looked to my right and saw maybe 4 or 5 people including tich in front of the tv watching a burning building. "what happened?" i asked...someone responded "a plane crashed into one of the world trade center towers." I said "wheres that? seattle?" how ironic...my best friend lives in manhattan and i LOVE new york and i don't even know anything about it. as the day passed, i remember worrying about my family. especially my mom and my uncle. i found out that my uncle was one of the first firefighter stations on the scene at the pentagon.
God, when i think of what he had to endure, it makes me cringe. it makes me want to cry and grab him and hug him and never let go. it makes me want to tell him 24/7 how much i love him and respect him. how much i respect firefighters. all of them. their courage. their bravery. i don't think i could ever run towards a burning building. i know what he saw. he never told me and never will. but i know what he saw. and its so unbelievably......speechless. i just can't even comprehend what it would be like to be in his shoes.....any of their shoes. its live changing.
i was crazy worried about shireen and miss. betty. and of course, phones were down so i couldn't get ahold of them for a while. they were fine thank God but i always was concerned how they reacted to it. i found out when i went to new york years later. i remember sitting in a restaurant w/ the two of them talking about that day. they both just brushed it off their shoulders. said it didnt really bother them that much and that it was over so they didn't know why people still talked about it. they never showed any emotion to it. i never understood that and i probably never will. i guess i thought it was their way of dealing.
and today. looking at peoples status on facebook. its amazing how uncaring people are. "______ is sick of this 9-11 bullshit" are you for real? thousands of people died because mentally ill non-human beings decided they hate america and wanted to kill people from all over this world. and you think its bullshit that its been 7 years and people are still hurting? you think its bullshit that the families of those killed are still mourning the loss of people that should have lived many many many more years? innocent people? obviously you have no heart. obviously you do not care about people. obviously you are a moron.
listen, im not going to make this tragedy my life. i will not let it run my life or my decisions. bad things happen to good people. bad things happen period. unfortunatly there are terrorists in this world and unfortunatly i live in a country that is hated by others. but i cannot do anything about that. i can only lift my head higher and show them that they will not ruin my spirit. they will not make me fear life or death. they will not take away my patriotic love for my country. and they sure as hell will not change who i am.
but i wil not forget that day either. i will never forget the fear i had for my family. for my friends. for my future.
all of this because i watched a show on the history channel that had video clips from hundreds of people in manhattan on september 11, 2001. then i watched as 6 of those people talked about taping that day. i felt like i was going through it all over again. honestly, i dont ever want to see that again. my insides are tangled, i feel like i want to cry but its all caught in my throat, and i can't even think of sleep now. and i feel like i still have more to say, but once again, that gate has closed.