May 21, 2006 09:15
I really miss JE so much. It's everyday. I think somedays that I'll never be able to move on, get up, or go on. It's tough. I have so many scars that I wish I would never have given to myself. I wish I could forget so much of what happened. The moments, the thoughts, the regrets. I wish they could all be taken away. I was listening to this song, called Some You Lose, and it basically says that Some you lose, and some you give away. And I guess thats true. How many wonderful people have I just given away? How many moments have I missed the life I shouldve been living just because I was busy regretting my JE. Sometimes I wonder if I somehow lost my soul in his eyes, or somehow ended up strangely obsessed/crazy. I miss it all so much. I miss the moments especially. Those little moments that never make sense looking back, just breaths of air. I miss those times the most. Little breaths of air. I miss breatheing. I think being able to sleep and breathe are what i miss about those days. It's hard to breathe when you're can't cry anymore. I have this fantasy of getting JE back. Will it happen? Can't say.
Truth be told it's just a figment of my imagination. I'm in love with someone who has absolutely no feelings for me and has a kid. When did we all become adults all of the sudden? When did I become that sad man? I'm not sure when my entire life became this sad, pitiful cycle of my own selfdestruction.
But today I'm leaving it all behind. Not JE of course, considering that will never happen. But Im leaving my regrets behind. Because noone should ever regret true love.