aaahhhhhh
ok, so finals are shooting me in the anus. yeah the time is right, i'm staying up all night.
Happy birthday julia, embrace it in all of your sickness, and know that we love you.
also embrace singleness, that's what i have to tell myself to do everyday. sometimes i wish i could take a pill to suppress my emotions so they wouldn't hinder me and what i have to do.
i have my art history final in 4 hours, and i fear that i'm going to fail. i can't wait for this week to be over, but at the same time i want to cherish it, seeing that next week i will be in europe away from everyone i know for the summer. i'm going to miss bethel so much. but i will hold on the expectation of starting somewhat of a new existance here this fall, living in a new place, with new people, new classes. it will be fun.
i was reading my journal from last fall the other day. some thoughs that i had about college when i came here. i was excited about making new friends...totally true, and i love the people that i've met and coun't ask for a better environment. i aslo wrote to myself about not having a girlfriend for at least the first quarter and probably the first semester, well it's the end of the year, and i havnt had more than a few crushes, and a few chrushes of my heart. "so that's how i learned the lesson that everyone's alone, and your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow. but when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself, it's bet to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing, or a simple psalm of hope" i still want a person that i can have a serious relationship with. i was talking to a friend the other day about "lists" and how with every girl that i meet i ask myself if i could spend time with her, and if i could grow old with her. it sounds weird and scary, but why waste your time in relationships that you aren't going to try to cultivate and pormote. so i want to find a girl that i can be real with, love, have fun with, talk to, and be deeply connected. with everygirl i meet i ask myself, could i spend alot of time with her and be in a relationship with her. and based on my answer to myself i place the girl, temporarily, with the possibility to move ranks, in a category of level of possible friend or realtionship. i'm a picky person in a way, i mean i don't want to spend alot of time with someone i don't find interesting or enjoyable to be with. but i'm also not super selective, i mean, i realize that i can't have that top, super hot, really cool, total fun, ideal girl, becasue i'm not that guy, i'm average, and in being so will end up being with an average girl, not that that's bad in anyway. but it's so hard to find a girl that i like, but is also interested in me. it seems like everyone that i like, already likes, or soon ends up liking someone else.
this is getting really long so i will say one more thing. i'm not saying i don't have friends, i do, but that's just the problem. i get 'you are a good friend' which i'm glad i am, but i long for the day a girl will say that i am more than that. i hope it comes, sooner than later would be nice.
goodbye for now, pray for me and my sleeplessness and crazy finals. i love you all.
Happy birthday julia, embrace it in all of your sickness, and know that we love you.
also embrace singleness, that's what i have to tell myself to do everyday. sometimes i wish i could take a pill to suppress my emotions so they wouldn't hinder me and what i have to do.
i have my art history final in 4 hours, and i fear that i'm going to fail. i can't wait for this week to be over, but at the same time i want to cherish it, seeing that next week i will be in europe away from everyone i know for the summer. i'm going to miss bethel so much. but i will hold on the expectation of starting somewhat of a new existance here this fall, living in a new place, with new people, new classes. it will be fun.
i was reading my journal from last fall the other day. some thoughs that i had about college when i came here. i was excited about making new friends...totally true, and i love the people that i've met and coun't ask for a better environment. i aslo wrote to myself about not having a girlfriend for at least the first quarter and probably the first semester, well it's the end of the year, and i havnt had more than a few crushes, and a few chrushes of my heart. "so that's how i learned the lesson that everyone's alone, and your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow. but when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself, it's bet to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing, or a simple psalm of hope" i still want a person that i can have a serious relationship with. i was talking to a friend the other day about "lists" and how with every girl that i meet i ask myself if i could spend time with her, and if i could grow old with her. it sounds weird and scary, but why waste your time in relationships that you aren't going to try to cultivate and pormote. so i want to find a girl that i can be real with, love, have fun with, talk to, and be deeply connected. with everygirl i meet i ask myself, could i spend alot of time with her and be in a relationship with her. and based on my answer to myself i place the girl, temporarily, with the possibility to move ranks, in a category of level of possible friend or realtionship. i'm a picky person in a way, i mean i don't want to spend alot of time with someone i don't find interesting or enjoyable to be with. but i'm also not super selective, i mean, i realize that i can't have that top, super hot, really cool, total fun, ideal girl, becasue i'm not that guy, i'm average, and in being so will end up being with an average girl, not that that's bad in anyway. but it's so hard to find a girl that i like, but is also interested in me. it seems like everyone that i like, already likes, or soon ends up liking someone else.
this is getting really long so i will say one more thing. i'm not saying i don't have friends, i do, but that's just the problem. i get 'you are a good friend' which i'm glad i am, but i long for the day a girl will say that i am more than that. i hope it comes, sooner than later would be nice.
goodbye for now, pray for me and my sleeplessness and crazy finals. i love you all.