(no subject)
I know I haven't written for a long time. I kind of feel like there's not much to write about. Just working and waiting for my recommendation letters so I can finish the final bit of applying for grad school. Work is hell, I'm so glad I didn't decide to pursue nursing. I can't do this for much longer.
So I've just been living day to day. Thinking about moving out, not sure about it yet. I know I could afford the place I'm looking at, I'm just so damn indecisive. But I think I need to go and live like a grown up with real bills and all that. It's time, I think.
I also am thinking about moving out because I need a change. Everything is so mundane and repetitious, it's getting really old. I need to move out of teenhood and into the real world. I'm almost in my mid twenties for crying out loud.
Even though I don't think about it so much anymore, I'm still mad about him getting married. I think it's maybe because he was the fallback. And now that he's engaged, I won't have that anymore. I guess it's kinda scary, but I've finally figured out that I'm not mad or sad because it should have been me. I'm actually very happy that it's not because I know that eventually I would have realized how unhappy I am in that relationship. But even so, when's my time?
I guess that's what bugs me when I think about it now. Because I should have been first. I don't think it's fair that he's reached relationship happiness before I have. I deserve it more, honestly.
But anyway, that's what I'm struggling with right now. Becoming an adult and being okay with the changes that come with it.
I know I'll figure it out soon enough.
So I've just been living day to day. Thinking about moving out, not sure about it yet. I know I could afford the place I'm looking at, I'm just so damn indecisive. But I think I need to go and live like a grown up with real bills and all that. It's time, I think.
I also am thinking about moving out because I need a change. Everything is so mundane and repetitious, it's getting really old. I need to move out of teenhood and into the real world. I'm almost in my mid twenties for crying out loud.
Even though I don't think about it so much anymore, I'm still mad about him getting married. I think it's maybe because he was the fallback. And now that he's engaged, I won't have that anymore. I guess it's kinda scary, but I've finally figured out that I'm not mad or sad because it should have been me. I'm actually very happy that it's not because I know that eventually I would have realized how unhappy I am in that relationship. But even so, when's my time?
I guess that's what bugs me when I think about it now. Because I should have been first. I don't think it's fair that he's reached relationship happiness before I have. I deserve it more, honestly.
But anyway, that's what I'm struggling with right now. Becoming an adult and being okay with the changes that come with it.
I know I'll figure it out soon enough.