SHIT!
Ok, Im not right. I can't be without her. Why? Do I think she will leave me? Cheat on me? No. I don't trust anyone because I don't trust myself. I know I am capable of such evil and I cant imagine someone even as pure as her is not. I need to hear her voice. I need to hear "I love you". I need to know that someone else with her heard her say it to me. Soothes me. Sad huh? I decided to lose myself in her some time ago. It worked. Im too far gone. How do I get back? She is so pure. So Beautifyl. So perfect. Yes, I know she is not perfect. She has her faults. She's not like me. SHe has not had to give and give until it's routine. She gives what she feels is right. Which is plenty. There are things I don't like. But nothing to what I don't like about me. I'm so codependent it's not funny. She has NEVER given me any reason not to trust her. Even when I have examined under a microscope and read between the lines. Nothing. NO guilt at all. She loves me. I know that. I have no reason to question that. But I do. ANd I hate myself for it. Waking up next to her is like falling in love all over again each day. She is where I apply all I have learned. All My broken promises can be made good now. All my failures made complete. Why Can't I relax? When I need to so badly. God, GOddess, anything, anyone, help me. I'm lost and I don't know how to get back to me. I am starting to understand why depressed people do some of the things they do. And It scares me. Real, Ain't it?