this one goes out to all the lovers out there...
there have definintely been better weeks than this one, i can tell you that.
death is scary. and, sadly, it's everywhere. just when i've gotten over losing someone, another person is ripped out of my life. just when it looks like our world is coming a little closer to peace, someone goes out and blows up someone else. what the hell is wrong with us?
even though death is big and frightening, i'm just as scared of life. that's right, i'm afraid of living. meeting new people scares me. losing others scares me. getting my heart broken scares me. being vulenrable to all of these things scares the fuck out of me. it's a problem.
i keep thinking about the future. i try to imagine all the positive possibilities, like i'll meet some cool people at camp and i'll come into BHS with freshmen friends. but then i try to think negatively, so that when these things actually occur, i'll be less disappointed because i won't be expecting much. but when i think like that it gets me nervous. god.
but there was a nice part of my life lately, and that was the 4th of July. I hung out with my friends (Vickie and Rachel) and didn't have to think about all the crap going on in my life. i could just hang out with them and go to the mall and work at the carnival and watch the fireworks and, just for a minute, feel infinite.
maybe life isn't so bad afterall.
death is scary. and, sadly, it's everywhere. just when i've gotten over losing someone, another person is ripped out of my life. just when it looks like our world is coming a little closer to peace, someone goes out and blows up someone else. what the hell is wrong with us?
even though death is big and frightening, i'm just as scared of life. that's right, i'm afraid of living. meeting new people scares me. losing others scares me. getting my heart broken scares me. being vulenrable to all of these things scares the fuck out of me. it's a problem.
i keep thinking about the future. i try to imagine all the positive possibilities, like i'll meet some cool people at camp and i'll come into BHS with freshmen friends. but then i try to think negatively, so that when these things actually occur, i'll be less disappointed because i won't be expecting much. but when i think like that it gets me nervous. god.
but there was a nice part of my life lately, and that was the 4th of July. I hung out with my friends (Vickie and Rachel) and didn't have to think about all the crap going on in my life. i could just hang out with them and go to the mall and work at the carnival and watch the fireworks and, just for a minute, feel infinite.
maybe life isn't so bad afterall.