(no subject)
When I say that nothing has changed, I realize that absolutely nothing has changed. I'm right back where I was before, only this time the words are even harder to come up with because things are stickier, and greyer, and more confusing, and more ambiguous. I don't know what to say because the words I want to say are completely wrong. They are what we refer to as inside thoughts. If I verbalize that means that they are in fact true and that I will have to deal with them. And I am terrified of him walking away again.
Why do we (women) let guys do this? If we are not controlling and manipulating the situation down to the minute detail, then we relinquish all control. About the only control I have in this situation is the ability to walk away and say "no"-- which is not something that I'm strong enough to do.
I can feel it with in every fiber of my being. It is a feeling that I'm dying to have reciprocated and terrified to acknowledge, because once again it is the wrong situation. How many times will Carrie go in circles with Mr. Big before things finally work out? How many heart breaks, interruptions, stupid middle school games must we go through? As soon as I think we've reached a point of honesty we freeze and when we start back up again, all of the bullshit is back.
I can feel myself vibrating.
Why do we (women) let guys do this? If we are not controlling and manipulating the situation down to the minute detail, then we relinquish all control. About the only control I have in this situation is the ability to walk away and say "no"-- which is not something that I'm strong enough to do.
I can feel it with in every fiber of my being. It is a feeling that I'm dying to have reciprocated and terrified to acknowledge, because once again it is the wrong situation. How many times will Carrie go in circles with Mr. Big before things finally work out? How many heart breaks, interruptions, stupid middle school games must we go through? As soon as I think we've reached a point of honesty we freeze and when we start back up again, all of the bullshit is back.
I can feel myself vibrating.