rant much?
i spent the weekend in massachusettes, new hamphire and maine with my roomates, it was amazing to get away from uconn and all the stress that seems to follow and cling to me while i'm here. it seems like forever since i've done something like this with close friends, and it has totally revived me for this present week...october is coming to an end and i feel like we just started and i have soo many thing to get done before the month is up. if it's possible i'd like to start and finish my presentation final for my soci class....it seems pretty doable figuring that'll be my day, researching in the library and typing up a 15 minute speech about it and constructing media. i just really feel like accomplishing that tomorrow, we'll see how it goes, even if i get a big part of it done, it will still feel nice. i'm planning to hold off an things unschool realted until break, coming to this as i'm not able to enjoy it with thoughts of my upcoming exam lurking in the back of my head and bright red attention ink splashed all over my calender. i can't even play a simple guitar song without glancing over at my books in the middle of it. figuring that coming into this semester i wanted to focus on school work, ignoring everything else shouldn't be too much of a problem. I feel like i need to use my weekend times more wisely and realize that if i dont relax and unwind, everything else in my life falls apart. speaking of which...i had a panic attack today, my first really bad one since i started my new meds. i wasnt expecting it at all. i forgot how terrible they feel. i started to tell rachel something really serious this afternoon, i felt brave enough to say something i've been wanting to share for a while, and emily blurts out with something about her clothes and rach completely forgot that i was speaking to her previously...whatever....story of my life. i suppose i'd also like to address the posts that some certain two people have made against my other journals. basically if you dont have anything good to say, dont tell me about it. i KNOW you think i'm fucked up angie, kay i KNOW THAT!!! but give it a rest already! god! ::deep breath::
can conditioner make you happier?....i think so. atlest ephemerally. and my hair is amazing today and silky and smooth, i love it, its weightless and perfect and i just put it back and didnt have to worry about it at all getting in my face all day. someone sitting behind me in class asked me if he could touch it to see if it felt as good as it looks, i felt a little weird but flattered nonetheless.
i got a used cheap copy of legally blonde 2. it's one of my favorites, probably because of the dog and whatever, i know people think it's lame, and so freakin what! i love it! so there!!! emily is going out partying saturday night and rachel is going home. my goal is to try and find someone to watch the movie with me saturday night, who knows how that will go...i'll end up watching it alone in my dorm room eating dinning hall apples for dinner and drinking sink water..mmmm...
i've really been wanting to make more mixed tapes and such, although i think most of my friends are tired of them....and my zine writing has also felt pointless recently. for some reason i just feel like when i'm writing that it wouldnt make a difference at al lin anyone's life if i printed it or highlighted it and pressed delete.
i got a call today from this woman Mary i met a few years ago, who wanted to know if i'd be interest in speaking at a program over thanksgiving break about domestic violence and abuse....it's been on my mind all day and i still dont know what i'm going to tell her. I know that part of me wants to, but the other part doesnt want to drag everything back up to the surface. not that my normal everyday life doesnt do that enough for me anyways! whats wrong with me!!!!!!!! i can't even have someone i dont know really well touch me ANYWHERE without freaking out inside. i feel crazy and insane about it. I feel like i'm waiting for something to click.....preferably an off button....
can conditioner make you happier?....i think so. atlest ephemerally. and my hair is amazing today and silky and smooth, i love it, its weightless and perfect and i just put it back and didnt have to worry about it at all getting in my face all day. someone sitting behind me in class asked me if he could touch it to see if it felt as good as it looks, i felt a little weird but flattered nonetheless.
i got a used cheap copy of legally blonde 2. it's one of my favorites, probably because of the dog and whatever, i know people think it's lame, and so freakin what! i love it! so there!!! emily is going out partying saturday night and rachel is going home. my goal is to try and find someone to watch the movie with me saturday night, who knows how that will go...i'll end up watching it alone in my dorm room eating dinning hall apples for dinner and drinking sink water..mmmm...
i've really been wanting to make more mixed tapes and such, although i think most of my friends are tired of them....and my zine writing has also felt pointless recently. for some reason i just feel like when i'm writing that it wouldnt make a difference at al lin anyone's life if i printed it or highlighted it and pressed delete.
i got a call today from this woman Mary i met a few years ago, who wanted to know if i'd be interest in speaking at a program over thanksgiving break about domestic violence and abuse....it's been on my mind all day and i still dont know what i'm going to tell her. I know that part of me wants to, but the other part doesnt want to drag everything back up to the surface. not that my normal everyday life doesnt do that enough for me anyways! whats wrong with me!!!!!!!! i can't even have someone i dont know really well touch me ANYWHERE without freaking out inside. i feel crazy and insane about it. I feel like i'm waiting for something to click.....preferably an off button....