Start Now, Forget Yesterday
So I've read my archives...I've read about what's happened to me in the past. I laughed a lot of the things that have happened, and I remembered how this all came to be. I've decided to start fresh again, because everything that's been going on has necessitated it. I originally started the lj as a way to vent, a way to talk about what was on my mind. It served well.
It's come time to come full circle. Too much has gone on to just slide on by. I mentioned in an earlier (now gone) entry that I had a lot going on. I do. It's incredibly tough to deal with. The only way I can get by day to day (or even hour to hour) is to take control - to stick with the things I know best and manage my life as well as I can. I know it seems cryptic, and as well it should. I've done an excellent job of being able to manage everything up until recently. Or rather, I've done an excellent job of hiding how things have been jamming me up. I can't talk about the details, because I'm not really understanding or coping with them all that well right now. It's too much at one time and everything is in the stage where I can't do anything about it.
So instead of just sucking it up, I will do everything I can to master it all. I may not be able to do anything about anything that's been bothering me right now, but I can certainly manage how it comes into my life and affects me. I really apologize for this. I've had a lot of fun. My only choices are to crack and break and completely fall apart, or be strong and lead from the front. All of you who read this (and perhaps most importantly the people who don't) are involved in some way. My life is inextricably merged with yours. I guess I've kind of set some boundaries by doing this, but it's not for the purpose of cutting anyone off. I've done it so I can better take things as they come - to manage and organize everything so I can start feeling better and start getting some of this stuff out.
I'm not sad (though some of the stuff does make me sad). I'm not angry or hurt or lost or lonely. There's no single emotion that describes how I feel right about now. It's a glut of information, details, and feelings that have been building up. Again, I apologize for not being specific, but it's a long drawn out story (and one that will likely be relayed once this portion of the journal is complete and everything starts anew all over again). Just trust me on this, and don't worry about the non-specifics. I know it will all come to pass. It will just take time and work, and knowing me you only have to sweat the former. Enjoy all.
It's come time to come full circle. Too much has gone on to just slide on by. I mentioned in an earlier (now gone) entry that I had a lot going on. I do. It's incredibly tough to deal with. The only way I can get by day to day (or even hour to hour) is to take control - to stick with the things I know best and manage my life as well as I can. I know it seems cryptic, and as well it should. I've done an excellent job of being able to manage everything up until recently. Or rather, I've done an excellent job of hiding how things have been jamming me up. I can't talk about the details, because I'm not really understanding or coping with them all that well right now. It's too much at one time and everything is in the stage where I can't do anything about it.
So instead of just sucking it up, I will do everything I can to master it all. I may not be able to do anything about anything that's been bothering me right now, but I can certainly manage how it comes into my life and affects me. I really apologize for this. I've had a lot of fun. My only choices are to crack and break and completely fall apart, or be strong and lead from the front. All of you who read this (and perhaps most importantly the people who don't) are involved in some way. My life is inextricably merged with yours. I guess I've kind of set some boundaries by doing this, but it's not for the purpose of cutting anyone off. I've done it so I can better take things as they come - to manage and organize everything so I can start feeling better and start getting some of this stuff out.
I'm not sad (though some of the stuff does make me sad). I'm not angry or hurt or lost or lonely. There's no single emotion that describes how I feel right about now. It's a glut of information, details, and feelings that have been building up. Again, I apologize for not being specific, but it's a long drawn out story (and one that will likely be relayed once this portion of the journal is complete and everything starts anew all over again). Just trust me on this, and don't worry about the non-specifics. I know it will all come to pass. It will just take time and work, and knowing me you only have to sweat the former. Enjoy all.