(no subject)
Ok,...where to start...ummm since the last time i wrote things have got nothing but worse, i really just want to move and get away from here its not like there is anything here for me. well lets see whats else has happened in my stupid life oh i know i dyed and cut my hair its really short REALLLLLLY SHORT! yeah i did it myself last night at 1:42 in the morning yeah it was great i needed a change but i think this was more of a fuck up but anyway, ive been writting alot i think summer sucks even more than school did. ive just spent more time by myself and i hate that it sucks i think too much when im by myself. oh yes we cant forget the bound to be high light of my summer me and Lauren got shit-faced i cryed about a bunch of stupid stuff then felt ten times worse cause she said peoples real feelings come out when there fucked up so yeah that was lovely ive been reflecting alot lately about everything basically about being more open and not giving a fuck anymore. a few days ago i was reading some of my old stuff and i found this thing i wrote back in february about this guy (not saying any names)and it was so weird cause i cant believe i ever felt that way its scary cause i hate him now just look, this is what i wrote...HIM
i wish i could go away i want to erase myself i different now he took me away he changed me i think cause i love him my mind tells me to move on he is nothing, but my heart says i love him i think its killing me ive never wanted to be with someone whos hurt me he has i dont think he cares i miss him im a pathetic waste of human flesh i am stupid im in love with him im just not certain i will ever move on, get over him, have the ability to look into another set of eyes without half expecting to see his, i wish i could share myself with someone besides him but the truth is he is what i want what i need i just want to sit next to him most of all i miss the way i could look into his eyes and hold his gaze its sicking to think of the words, thoughts,and feeling i feel for him i wonder what to call this what is this feeling? all i know is ive never longed for another human the way i do for him. I guess this is Love.
Its so weird all of that is bullshit. i hate the dude now and i went and wrote that i want to puke everytime i read it how bout that to ruin a good day.
i wish i could go away i want to erase myself i different now he took me away he changed me i think cause i love him my mind tells me to move on he is nothing, but my heart says i love him i think its killing me ive never wanted to be with someone whos hurt me he has i dont think he cares i miss him im a pathetic waste of human flesh i am stupid im in love with him im just not certain i will ever move on, get over him, have the ability to look into another set of eyes without half expecting to see his, i wish i could share myself with someone besides him but the truth is he is what i want what i need i just want to sit next to him most of all i miss the way i could look into his eyes and hold his gaze its sicking to think of the words, thoughts,and feeling i feel for him i wonder what to call this what is this feeling? all i know is ive never longed for another human the way i do for him. I guess this is Love.
Its so weird all of that is bullshit. i hate the dude now and i went and wrote that i want to puke everytime i read it how bout that to ruin a good day.