one
i've decided that i am sick and tired of the way that i've been living my life! i've had enough of trying to live my life on my own. it's not working and it leaves me with a horrible feeling inside.
yesterday i went to ottawa valley originally to visit will at camp and to have a good day hanging out, then secondly to go to the service and hear wayne northup speak (he was the morning speaker at lakeshore last year). the day was good. i was happy to see will, i had been looking forward to it all week. i only thought maybe once or twice about actually going to spend some time with god.
during the day will told me that next summer he is probably going to do a five week long internship with matt robinson. the first reaction in my head was to say the least not a very positive one. i'm such a jerk! on the outside i tryed my hardest to be supportive because i promised to myself that i would. ( i don't think that i did a very good job though) i'm such a selfish person, if god wants will to do this internship who am i to say anything?
when it was time for the service i went into it like i have every other service i've been to for months now. i just stood there planning on singing some good songs played by an awesome worship team..you know how it goes.. when suddenly god starting talking to me. he told me that my priorities are all backwards. i spend to much of my time worrying about things that aren't important. whenever i feel sad or hurt when bad things happen i automaticly turn to will. he is my best friend and he wants to make me happy. i know that i can count on him but i always seem forget that will isn't god. he isn't magic and he can't make my life all better. he is awesome for the short term, he can give me a hug and wipe away my tears but in the end all that doesn't do anything for me. when i die i will stand before god, and i know that he will start naming off all the times that i ran to will without ever considering him. of course i love will but i need to love jesus more. until last night will was the most important person in my life, then god taped me on the shoulder and told me to get my priorities straight before i would regret it for eternity.
in september will is going to university. i wont be able to see him everyday. i need to get used to this. i have to learn not to care if i don't see him for days at a time. there is at least five years ahead of me that will be like this so i better get used to it soon. i pray that god would give me patience so i could be supportive to will when he needs me. i'm also praying that will i'm not upsetting you right now. i'm really trying not to.
this week when will was gone i felt like literaly half of me was missing. i just kept on wishing for thursday just so i could see him. today i don't feel so lonely. of course i still miss will but that awful feeling inside me isn't there anymore. all because i've let jesus fill that emptyness instead. jesus wont go away to school or have to limit the amount of time he will be able to spend with me. only i will be able to do that. i need to remember that will still loves me just the same when he is busy all the time with school and stuff as he does now. i hope that nothing will change.
today i read my bible for the first time in ages. i even had to blow off some dust that had collected on it, it's been that long since i've tryed to read it. as it is i just hate reading in general. it doesn't matter what it is. so i have very limited motivation to read the book that i should have been able to finish cover to cover many times in the four to five years that i've been a christian. i was able to read for awhile and i felt encouraged. it was nice. i'm going to try to read my bible regularly even if it kills me.
well that's where i'm at. i have a good feeling on the inside. pray that i will be able to remember to put god first.
yesterday i went to ottawa valley originally to visit will at camp and to have a good day hanging out, then secondly to go to the service and hear wayne northup speak (he was the morning speaker at lakeshore last year). the day was good. i was happy to see will, i had been looking forward to it all week. i only thought maybe once or twice about actually going to spend some time with god.
during the day will told me that next summer he is probably going to do a five week long internship with matt robinson. the first reaction in my head was to say the least not a very positive one. i'm such a jerk! on the outside i tryed my hardest to be supportive because i promised to myself that i would. ( i don't think that i did a very good job though) i'm such a selfish person, if god wants will to do this internship who am i to say anything?
when it was time for the service i went into it like i have every other service i've been to for months now. i just stood there planning on singing some good songs played by an awesome worship team..you know how it goes.. when suddenly god starting talking to me. he told me that my priorities are all backwards. i spend to much of my time worrying about things that aren't important. whenever i feel sad or hurt when bad things happen i automaticly turn to will. he is my best friend and he wants to make me happy. i know that i can count on him but i always seem forget that will isn't god. he isn't magic and he can't make my life all better. he is awesome for the short term, he can give me a hug and wipe away my tears but in the end all that doesn't do anything for me. when i die i will stand before god, and i know that he will start naming off all the times that i ran to will without ever considering him. of course i love will but i need to love jesus more. until last night will was the most important person in my life, then god taped me on the shoulder and told me to get my priorities straight before i would regret it for eternity.
in september will is going to university. i wont be able to see him everyday. i need to get used to this. i have to learn not to care if i don't see him for days at a time. there is at least five years ahead of me that will be like this so i better get used to it soon. i pray that god would give me patience so i could be supportive to will when he needs me. i'm also praying that will i'm not upsetting you right now. i'm really trying not to.
this week when will was gone i felt like literaly half of me was missing. i just kept on wishing for thursday just so i could see him. today i don't feel so lonely. of course i still miss will but that awful feeling inside me isn't there anymore. all because i've let jesus fill that emptyness instead. jesus wont go away to school or have to limit the amount of time he will be able to spend with me. only i will be able to do that. i need to remember that will still loves me just the same when he is busy all the time with school and stuff as he does now. i hope that nothing will change.
today i read my bible for the first time in ages. i even had to blow off some dust that had collected on it, it's been that long since i've tryed to read it. as it is i just hate reading in general. it doesn't matter what it is. so i have very limited motivation to read the book that i should have been able to finish cover to cover many times in the four to five years that i've been a christian. i was able to read for awhile and i felt encouraged. it was nice. i'm going to try to read my bible regularly even if it kills me.
well that's where i'm at. i have a good feeling on the inside. pray that i will be able to remember to put god first.