Oh god. (Return)

[emocaliban]

Once he stumbles and nearly falls, just catching himself, and it makes him look up. His eyes widen and he backs up. “No. No. Jesus Christ, no.” His eyes are wide and round as he backs up. “You can’t do this to me,” he says, hoarsely, and ducks behind a tree. He might be there, again. She might be there. And therefore he can’t be. If they could

Comments

[crimson_sugar]

Sugar doesn't know to find Cal outside. She isn't even past the porch, and the only reason she's there is that she couldn't stand looking at the walls anymore.

Her face is still covered in sorrow, her eyes still flow with tears, from time to time, but at least the evening breeze is gentle. Her hand holds to the railing as she takes a shaking breath.

[emocaliban]

He's probably visible from the porch, a little black clad shape on the lawn, curled into a little ball, shaking, though the tears probably aren't audible from the porch. He needs to run, needs to hide.

But he's just so tired.

[crimson_sugar]

She stills, when her eyes discern the shape, quickened by a sudden spark of hope, something sharp and tangy, and she moves, soft steps on the lawn, careful, quiet.

Just in case it's someone else. Just in case this isn't someone she can help. Just in case it's a dream.

[emocaliban]

Cal doesn't quite hear her, still curled up, still ragged.

But still Cal. Definitely still Cal. And hearing someone approaching...he can't get up, not now. It's not Niko, it's not Robin. Maybe someone's come to kill him. He can always hope.

He waits, eyes closed.

[crimson_sugar]

She kneels next to him, a sob catching in her throat with the certainty that this is him, and her hand shakes as it moves, very, very slowly, to touch his hair.

She lets out a shaky breath, tears are streaming on her face...

"Cal?" She's trembling with the various emotions that course through her.

[emocaliban]

He shudders, violently. Sugar. "I'm sorry," weakly, refusing to uncurl, unable to run away.

[crimson_sugar]

She sniffles, it's loud and inelegant, and she has to wipe another tear before they break, and she puts her arms around him. "God, no. Don't say that. It wasn't you. It wasn't you." She cries uncontrollably.

[emocaliban]

He tenses briefly, then is just limp against her, still huddled in his little heap-of-Cal. "It was. God - it was me, Sugar, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

[crimson_sugar]

Her voice is quiet, shaky, urgent, as she gathers him to her, as she can. "No, love, it wasn't, it wasn't, I saw it, that thing, and your body was cold and it called me sheep. It wasn't you, it was something else. I saw it. It wasn't you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Mother of god, Cal, I ---" She breaks in more tears, crying against his hair, clinging to him.

[emocaliban]

"It was still me. Still me who did everything, who - oh god, oh god..." He shudders again, in her embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to ....never wanted..."

[crimson_sugar]

"No, no," she kisses his hair, his forehead, whatever of him is closest to her lips, and the words pour out of her in a frenzy, "I killed you, I killed you and I will do it again if I know you are a threat, but now I know, I know, it wasn't you, because after you died it left, it was there with its silver eyes, and it said it was going to eat me. It wasn't you, something possessed you, and made you believe it was you. But it wasn't, because I saw your eyes when the needle entered your heart, Cal, it was you in that ultimate moment but not before, and Cal, Cal, I love you, I love you, I always loved you, and I always will, please, please, go nowhere, now that you're back, please..."

[emocaliban]

"You - I know, god, it's a good thing, it's the only thing you can do - thank you. Sugar - god, Sugar - it's not just something else in my body. It's my mind - I still remember everything, not just what happened, how I felt. The sensations, the desires - Jesus Christ-"

He retches, but there's nothing to come up.

[crimson_sugar]

She waits for him to be done, but the words won't stop, the tears won't stop, and the moment she can, she unleashes them again. "Cal, I was there after, you see it came out of your body, as if --- it needed you to be able to possess it --- and of course you would still be in there, and you would still feel. Cal, it was because it was still you, partially, that I could do what I did... do you understand? I love you the way you are, please..."

[emocaliban]

"No - no I don't understand," voice heavy with self-loathing. "I killed my brother. I would have killed you when I was done with you. I'm - god, Sugar, I'm a fucking freak, a fucking monster, I don't - how can I ever-"

[crimson_sugar]

"And I killed you. That makes us even. God, Cal, won't you hear me out? Please, please, listen, please. Please come home, please."

She's crying in the embrace, her voice is thick with sorrow, her mind is almost nonsensical.

Her silence, however, is broken for good.

[emocaliban]

"You're not a monster," Hoarsely, fiercely.