Goodbye Waves and Driveways

[emoboi86]

I feel like I just had one of those break ups where you know it's a good thing and you feel good walking away from it, looking back on all the good times, and you know it's for the better...but you still know you're going to feel absolutely miserable in the morning when you wake up. Krystal's last night was tonight. I ate dinner at my G-ma's with my dad and then left around 9 to go hang out with Krystal and Katie. We kinda just sat around, listened to music, read Charlie Brown's 'Cyclopedia Vol. I, got ice cream...i guess just pretty much what we normally do, pretending it's not our last time together for a while. I never really got sad about people leaving...people come and go, and I know that distance rarely effects my relationship with people, even if I see someone for the first time in a year, I usually just pick right up where we left off. But this is just so much more brutal. I've only known her for a year, but it feels like a life time. She's the closest I've been to anyone since I was with emily...maybe even closer, and we didn't even date. Sometimes I wish I could've just swallowed my pride, my ideas, my beliefs, and told that girl how much she meant to me...right now i really wish i had. But it probably would've ended in broken hearts anyways, so I guess I should just cherish what happened and try not to regret anything. It's too late now, and if it something is supposed to happen, it will. I think we left with a good acknowledgement of what we truely meant to eachother, even though neither of us have ever been able to say it. I guess I'll just see how I feel in the morning, as long as I sleep ok tonight. I hate my heart...does anyone want it? Because I'm really tired of dealing with it.

P.S. I realize half of you probably have no idea what you're talking about because I don't post about my life on this thing anymore, but this post was for me anyways. My first real post since I swore off emotions 2 years ago! Hope you enjoyed it, even if it didn't make sense, cause it probably won't happen again for a really long time!

Love,
Beni