Another year has started...
...and I feel like I am 'starting over' YET again :(
I woke up this morning feeling terrible and I still feel so lethargic and down that I just can't get motivated to do anything. At least the tummy pains have started to subside...
I noticed that my quads and calves have started to resemble what they did a while ago and I am proud of this fact. Considering we're doing legs again tonight (and we WILL be doing legs, no excuses), I'm proud of my efforts.
Food wise, today has been a starvation day. This hasn't been because I don't want to eat but, not feeling well has meant my appetite is just not there. I walked to the shop this morning and bought some Mother (I also had one in the fridge) and a packet of salt and vinegar chips but really, besides a handful of the kid's M & M's, that's been it. I'm starting to feel hungry now though so I might start with some grainy bread toast and see how I feel. I do want to work out tonight so I have to eat something.
I have reduced my meds to the lowest dosage possible for Effexor and I plan to stop taking them all together (as well as the other) in three weeks when the packet runs out. This is something I am really proud of myself for doing but I know that it will be a challenge. Part of that challenge started on Saturday when I tried to write in my BOS again. My pinky finger pain from the severed tendon has started to affect my whole hand so, while I never liked my writing before, I dearly wish I could write normally again. It also affects my workouts now too. It depressed me to the point of tears on the weekend but I can't wallow in self pity at a self inflicted injury. I just need to get on with it, even if that means copying everything out on the PC and then again in my own handwriting once I've had the damage to the finger repaired and physio allows me to 'start over'...do you know how sick of 'starting over' I am??? :(
Anyway...I'm also making a promise to update my journal everyday (stop laughing!) because I've been reading back over some of my earlier efforts and realising that it really is a good tool for self empowerment and growth.
I can hear Pandora hack coughing again after she stopped for a period and now it's worrying me that I won't have the money to take her to the vet and have her seen to...just something else on top of everything else. Then there's the whole coven thing...but I am starting to feel REALLY hungry now so I'll update about that tomorrow...it gives me a place to start.