(no subject)
Okay.
so, this morning has been very eventful & its only 7:21. First off, i had to wake up to be at a cross country meet @ 5:45. I actually decided i wanted to race & got ready & ate good & what not. Amazingly. & my mom decided to go help the new orleans people who went to a methodone clinic (like the one she works at) in louisiana but now cant. Not only did she get to do a good thing but she was making some extra money for it that was really needed.So, she was up with me & was gonna take me on her way to work. Well, the car wouldnt start. I missed the bus to the meet. & Although i was upset, my feelings seemed not so important when i realised how hard i make things on my mom when things already are hard enough.
We've never had alot of money. We've always been scrimping & using change & watching what we buy. We've always had our electricity or water or something shut off bc we couldnt pay the bill. We just got our own house 3 years ago which is hard enough to pay the rent every month. Because my mom's a single parent with two girls who want the best, things are extremely hard on her. She pretty much pays for everything herself & every move she makes at work for the money she earns is for us. She has never had time for herself really. I called my grandpa this morning when the car wouldnt start bc since i grew up without a dad, he has been the closest thing ive ever had to one. He trys his best to help my mom out alot. & he does. I honestly believe that without him, we would have been living on the streets right now. He has given us so much & i know he cares but, hes so hard on my mom. He doesnt realise how hard it must be for her. He always puts her down & my mom already has the worse self esteem anyone could possibly have. Ive had to watch her break down countless times. Ofcourse, my grandpa yells at her. He tells her how shes worthless & how she messed up again. How shes "not doing what shes supposed to". Even though, shes doing the best she can.
Honestly, i dont know what the point of this entry is. I never thought id write in this thing again bc it seems pointless to me now. But, i needed to let out my feelings. My mom is a good person. She genuinally cares about people. & everytime she tries to do something good, something happens to stand in her way. When it comes to life, i dont see how my mom is still standing. It has been extremely unfair to her. Her past is probably a hundredx worse than anyone else's could be. She has it hard enough, but me & my sister to seem to make it a whole lot worse. Shes working so hard to give us a home that we like (by our friends) & money to get nice things. She's never wanted us to feel that we didnt get a fair shot at things like other kids. She'll always find a way to get the money to let us do things. My life compared to hers, seems so care free & easy. Because of her hard past & her will to make her kids something better, she has taught me more than any teacher at school possibly could. She's honestly my hero.
Im going to start helping her out a lot more & being a lot nicer.
Something has to change & i think thats me.
<3
so, this morning has been very eventful & its only 7:21. First off, i had to wake up to be at a cross country meet @ 5:45. I actually decided i wanted to race & got ready & ate good & what not. Amazingly. & my mom decided to go help the new orleans people who went to a methodone clinic (like the one she works at) in louisiana but now cant. Not only did she get to do a good thing but she was making some extra money for it that was really needed.So, she was up with me & was gonna take me on her way to work. Well, the car wouldnt start. I missed the bus to the meet. & Although i was upset, my feelings seemed not so important when i realised how hard i make things on my mom when things already are hard enough.
We've never had alot of money. We've always been scrimping & using change & watching what we buy. We've always had our electricity or water or something shut off bc we couldnt pay the bill. We just got our own house 3 years ago which is hard enough to pay the rent every month. Because my mom's a single parent with two girls who want the best, things are extremely hard on her. She pretty much pays for everything herself & every move she makes at work for the money she earns is for us. She has never had time for herself really. I called my grandpa this morning when the car wouldnt start bc since i grew up without a dad, he has been the closest thing ive ever had to one. He trys his best to help my mom out alot. & he does. I honestly believe that without him, we would have been living on the streets right now. He has given us so much & i know he cares but, hes so hard on my mom. He doesnt realise how hard it must be for her. He always puts her down & my mom already has the worse self esteem anyone could possibly have. Ive had to watch her break down countless times. Ofcourse, my grandpa yells at her. He tells her how shes worthless & how she messed up again. How shes "not doing what shes supposed to". Even though, shes doing the best she can.
Honestly, i dont know what the point of this entry is. I never thought id write in this thing again bc it seems pointless to me now. But, i needed to let out my feelings. My mom is a good person. She genuinally cares about people. & everytime she tries to do something good, something happens to stand in her way. When it comes to life, i dont see how my mom is still standing. It has been extremely unfair to her. Her past is probably a hundredx worse than anyone else's could be. She has it hard enough, but me & my sister to seem to make it a whole lot worse. Shes working so hard to give us a home that we like (by our friends) & money to get nice things. She's never wanted us to feel that we didnt get a fair shot at things like other kids. She'll always find a way to get the money to let us do things. My life compared to hers, seems so care free & easy. Because of her hard past & her will to make her kids something better, she has taught me more than any teacher at school possibly could. She's honestly my hero.
Im going to start helping her out a lot more & being a lot nicer.
Something has to change & i think thats me.
<3