UGH
Someone needs to help me convince myself that I don't need a boy. Boys are stupid and a waste of time and at this point in my life, they are really not worth it. I was completely boy-less for like a month there, and it was amazing. I didn't worry about anything except things that matter, like school and myself and my friends. And I was happy. I was so happy that I was alone, and I was so happy that I was happy and that I didn't need a boy and that it was better without a boy.
But I'm starting to get the feeling that I need a boy again. Which is annoying on so many levels, one of which being that it's completely vain and superfluous; I don't "need a boy". I can get along perfectly well by myself, but for some reason, at times, I want to stop being alone. But wanting to have someone scares me because wanting a boy leads to wanting the boy and that leads to OUCH. And I really don't want any ouch at all.
Maybe the problem is that I look at it as something I can't control, my needs and feelings. I just kinda resign myself to some dark, twisting fate of doom and that there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to do nothing, but I don't know how to do something until I know what to do. Ugh. I was so excited about being so happily alone... I had a whole plan about the year. I just don't have time to worry about something like that.
I blame homecoming.
But I'm starting to get the feeling that I need a boy again. Which is annoying on so many levels, one of which being that it's completely vain and superfluous; I don't "need a boy". I can get along perfectly well by myself, but for some reason, at times, I want to stop being alone. But wanting to have someone scares me because wanting a boy leads to wanting the boy and that leads to OUCH. And I really don't want any ouch at all.
Maybe the problem is that I look at it as something I can't control, my needs and feelings. I just kinda resign myself to some dark, twisting fate of doom and that there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to do nothing, but I don't know how to do something until I know what to do. Ugh. I was so excited about being so happily alone... I had a whole plan about the year. I just don't have time to worry about something like that.
I blame homecoming.