hmmm

May 21, 2006 15:35

I don't really think anyone really reads this anymore. Which is nice because I can talk more about personel feelings here now. and for the few of you who do read this? Cool, and enjoy my numerous rants and most inner thoughts.

My mother REALLY pises me off and my father is killing me money wise. Between the two of them I'm a broke nutso person... wow sounds pretty close to a bum. And Work is driving me crazy... I feel like im working for nothing because I pay dad over 60% of my pay check just so I can live somewhere.I really would like to go to college I really want to major in chemistry. I want to be a great scientist. I want to come up with life saving medicine. I want to SAVE LIVES in general. With whatever I do. But most of all I just want to be happy. And nothing is getting me there... or any closer to being that. I just wanna sit down when I'm by myself and smile and say wow I'm very happy. I have some form of importance in this world. My life is wonderful, or good, or even I live an ok life. BUT I don't life is so shitty.... and people wonder why I hate being, that is, alive. So much... Because I work my ass off for other people and get nothing in return and if I don't work my ass off for other people They lay fucking guilt trips all over me and yea it affects me a great deal. I don't have anything. Really I don't... And I'm never going to get anything... or anywhere.... my life is just getting worse and worse.... And at the begining of this week I had just a little bit of confidence in myself and what I could do... See what one week can do? It crushes my dreams and hopes.... and now I'm just shit... bah...
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