relapsing. is. a. bitch.
I cant sleep well anymore. And since i relapsed. it doesnt make anything better.
I had this dream;
that you were standing there staring at me. Its pouring outside. And we are just standing there. I was shaking from the cold rain, or maybe it was my anger. but i couldnt tell. I dont even know if i was mad... i think at this point, i'm just numb. I'm numb to your mean comments, the rude words that come out of your mouth. And i just take it like i deserve it. I take it like its a bad thing i want to be happy or free. So i take the verbal abuse. I take it, because maybe you're right. I should feel guilty about wanting to find happiness.
i stand there waiting for you to say something. nothing is said. oddly enough the rain begins to beat harder on our bodies. Beating down hard like our hearts pounding in our chests.
i apologize.
you laugh.
you walk away. stating have a nice life.
i get in my car.
i sit there.
numb.
from the rain.
or maybe
its from that look you gave me.
i cant believe that it happened.
i drive home.
and the rain stops.
as i unpack my things from my car
that you gave back to me.
i cry.
and i felt stupid.
because i cared enough to hide you a note in the boxes of your stuff.
and you left me nothing
but the words have a nice life.
its not like you meant it anyway.
oh, and the sad thing is.
It was never a dream.