The Grocery Run

[emo_snal]

   A bee we'll call Gwenynen1 is strolling through the hive when she hears a nearby commotion. A nearby bee (whom we've named Devra) is buzzing her wings and waggling about. Gwen immediately recognizes that Devra is about to regale them all with a tale about where to find blooming flowers, and joins the crowd following her story

Comments

[basric]

An exciting tale. A dangerous thing to be a bee. I loved it. Enjoyed the picture. Well written. I was right there with there with her through her escape and happy the bird chose the dragonfly over her. Love it.

[emo_snal]

Thanks (: Heavily considering reworking it so the first bird encounter is on the way out. That way it could happen in around the same place and be sort of foreshadowed.

[basric]

I think the way it is is a more subtle foreshadowing. I like it.

[emo_snal]

And it's changed! what do you think?

The problem I felt I encountered when rearranging it was that the flight out was supposed to be a relatively straight-forward show of how they use flight instructions, but this throws a wrench in that. Ultimately I think the fact that now it could be the same tyrant outweighs the problem though (:

Also I made Dorothy be installing a birdhouse instead of watering her garden

[basric]

Yes I like the changes and it does read better.