and in the madness of it all.

[emo_princess_05]

i just got home from cleaning.
i didnt sleep last night.
i could have, but i chose not too.
instead, i faked falling asleep in his arms,
just so i could watch him sleep.

it would seem as though i have no reason not to be happy.
but that would be a false accusation.
because, in fact, i cried again in front of him last night.
this time, not because of jake.
not because of something that is currently going on.
but this time, because of life in general.
and how its unfair. and how it upsets me.
and how people always leave me once i get close to them.

i mainly was thinking about devin.
and how much he means to me.
and how much i miss him already, and he hasnt even moved yet.
but its as if he's already gone. and it hurts terribly.
he's my hero.

when i didnt want anything to do with church, i still talked to devin.
i was going down a terrible road, and he was the person i could turn too.
we've laughed together, prayed together, cried together.
went to newsong. saw david crowder. went to flordia.
and above all, the bible study. blue like jazz.
changed my life.

its not easy letting go. defintely not.
but change is inevitable.
so just go with it.
and hope for the best.

i love you guys.
and hang in there.
it will get better, in time.