*is horrible*
Oh my God. I'm so horrible.
Yesterday I let Amanda read my entry about the weekend, which I wrote while I was upset, and now she's upset. I should have known. The problem is, she wont share with me what's hurting her. She tells me it isn't my fault, but what else am I meant to think? I dunno ...
I feel like such a bitchface. And I know she's upset now, so of course I'm doing everything within my power to make thing's right, which is probably making me seem like the clingy bitch I've been trying not to be. I'm so confused. I mean, she wants Jade, she even put a song up about Jade, so I don't understand what's going on.
And I just keep thinking way ahead of myself ... I kinda like Amanda. But then, there's so many things that could go wrong .... I could fall in love, I could hurt Jade, it would be hard with both of us being pretty closet about our sexuality, and I'd just end up in the mess I just dragged myself out of. I know I could get back up again, but I keep thinking, is "I kinda like Amanda" worth hurting so many people?
And dude, I don't even think she really likes me. She's sweeter than she thinks ... maybe this is just a sympathy thing. I know she wants Jade. Maybe I should just tell her to go after Jade instead ... God, I don't even know where I am right now. Maybe this is too soon. Maybe I've just been hurt too many times to trust Manda.
*pouts* I don't know what to do.
Yesterday I let Amanda read my entry about the weekend, which I wrote while I was upset, and now she's upset. I should have known. The problem is, she wont share with me what's hurting her. She tells me it isn't my fault, but what else am I meant to think? I dunno ...
I feel like such a bitchface. And I know she's upset now, so of course I'm doing everything within my power to make thing's right, which is probably making me seem like the clingy bitch I've been trying not to be. I'm so confused. I mean, she wants Jade, she even put a song up about Jade, so I don't understand what's going on.
And I just keep thinking way ahead of myself ... I kinda like Amanda. But then, there's so many things that could go wrong .... I could fall in love, I could hurt Jade, it would be hard with both of us being pretty closet about our sexuality, and I'd just end up in the mess I just dragged myself out of. I know I could get back up again, but I keep thinking, is "I kinda like Amanda" worth hurting so many people?
And dude, I don't even think she really likes me. She's sweeter than she thinks ... maybe this is just a sympathy thing. I know she wants Jade. Maybe I should just tell her to go after Jade instead ... God, I don't even know where I am right now. Maybe this is too soon. Maybe I've just been hurt too many times to trust Manda.
*pouts* I don't know what to do.