light up light up, as if u have a choice, even if u cannot hear my voice, ill be right beside u dear
This weekend was bittersweet. The plays were stressful and in the end painful lol.. but it was worth it. I bitch about it alot, but i really do love theatre N* all that it brings. I cant wait to be involved with the rock opera in a few weeks. Basically the plays and work consumed fri and sat. Sunday was the sweet part. I spent the entire day with shane. we layed around and cuddled N* watched movies. We were just together and there was nothing more we needed. I love being silly and stupid and loved with him. I love him. We saw Phantom of the Opera later in the nite and it was beautiful. he makes me so happy, together we can forget about everything else.
Music is such beautiful release. Seriously, when im really upset, really depressed, really mad or frustrated, wuts the first thing i do? Take a drive. Blasting music driving around realizing there are other things going on in the world much more important is calming. But wut do you do when u need more than that. it feels like theres always this thought in the back of my mind, and if i stop pushing it back, trying so hard to forget about it, it will flood me with pain, saddnes, guilt, and... regret. The worst part is its not going away. I thought maybe if i didnt think about it and just swallowed the lump i get in my throat from time to time from it, it would go away. Its not going away, theres really no way around it. I wish i had sumone to talk to. I have to be strong for him, so he can get through this, so i cant bother him with my own issues about it. I tried to talk to a friend who was familiar with the situation but after telling him the situation he basically told me he didnt wanna think about it and changed the subject. hes lucky. he doesnt have to think about it, he can dismiss it so easily. So i sit here with my head phones, music blaring, pretending to not have this nawing feeling in my heart. Im alone. I dont wanna be hurt and i dont wanna hurt anyone else.
. Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop.(whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucken thanks a lot.
Had to relapse, I'm outta rehab,
It ruined everything.(whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call ,
and everything's my fault.
You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everthing's my fault.