Fic: Fall to Pieces (2/?)
Title: Fall to Pieces
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: Response to this has been fantastic. You guys like a broken James as much as I do. Watch out, because I’m probably going to change the name soon. I hate it but I can’t find one that fits well. This vaguely addresses whats happening with Kendall. It’s meant to be vague because more will be revealed later.
Warnings: Molestation/Rape
Kendall hated himself; he regretted every single day that passed since he had left. Extreme guilt nagged at him relentlessly, mocking him for his terrible decision. He wished so desperately that he could go back in time and stop himself from walking away, from leaving those who needed him most. He left with the best of intentions, having been convinced that it was for the best.
Now he was wondering if that was the honest truth. Doubt was starting to shake his typically confident, sure nature. His absence didn’t seem to do anyone any good; he certainly wasn’t enjoying it himself. He didn’t have any friends at his new school, he missed his old friends, he couldn’t stand living with his dad but most of all, he missed James.
His soft smile, the way his eyes shone so bright but remained so soft at the same time, his passion for singing, spontaneously bursting into song. He missed being able to inhale and breathe in all that was James, the boy’s sweet scent; he missed James’ head on his chest, the brunette curling up against his side. When this all became too much, he reminded himself that he did this to help James. He tried his damn hardest to hold onto that reasoning but even he was starting to wonder if that was still the truth.
The Knight household was unusually quiet compared to its typical loud, rambunctious atmosphere. Where energy and fun once hung in the air, sorrow and worry took its place. These weren’t emotions that teens their age should experience an excess of. Their time was supposed to be spent executing shenanigans and just having fun. It was not supposed to be meant on mourning; that was something kids shouldn’t have to face.
Unfortunately, there’s rarely a choice behind this. Kendall would give anything to change that; he would give anything to ease the other’s pain, to keep it from ever occurring in the first place. Since he knew that was impossible, he was trying his hardest to just be there for the brunette, in any way he could.
Apparently, to James, that meant just having a place to rest his head for a while. Things at his house were kind of tense, the overwhelming sadness was almost suffocating. He had to get out of there, despite how his house’s mood seemed to match his directly. He’d rather be with his friends than mourning at home all by himself. Kendall was more than happy to provide a safe place to get away from everything for a while.
The pair resided in the living room, both sitting on the couch, both ignoring the TV that was playing in the background. Kendall was sitting with his back against the arm of the couch, his legs up on the cushions. James was sitting between them, his back pressed against Kendall’s chest. The pretty boy was clad in a baggy sweatshirt (one of Kendall’s) and a pair of loose sweats. His hair was pushed back, not as flawlessly quaffed as usually and he had on his glasses, which he only wore when he was too tired to go through his usual beauty routine. This past week had been just like this; it was a little startling to his friends and family how little effort James was putting into his appearance. It was understandable but everyone worried anyways. Kendall still thought he was absolutely beautiful, even when he was falling apart.
On the surface, Kendall was just being the great friend he was. But this was much, much deeper than that. Kendall was undeniably, irrevocably, uncontrollably in love with James. His want to bring comfort to the other boy was a lot different than the usual friendship motive; he felt a deep ache in his own chest when the brunette was upset. When James smiled, he smiled. When James laughed, he laughed. When James cried, he cried too. That was just the amazing connection he had to James. He never wanted to see James hurt and lately that was all he saw. He just wanted to see the brunette smile again; then all order would be restored in his world.
Kendall shook the year old memory out of his head, wanting it gone before the tell-tale wave of guilt washed over him. It was too late, however. He could already feel his gut constricting with this horrible emotion. The worst part was that he knew what he did was wrong; he knew that now and he didn’t need this guilt reminding him. But the damage had been done and it was too late to reverse it now. He had left; he wished desperately but ultimately couldn’t go back to the way things were.
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: Response to this has been fantastic. You guys like a broken James as much as I do. Watch out, because I’m probably going to change the name soon. I hate it but I can’t find one that fits well. This vaguely addresses whats happening with Kendall. It’s meant to be vague because more will be revealed later.
Warnings: Molestation/Rape
Kendall hated himself; he regretted every single day that passed since he had left. Extreme guilt nagged at him relentlessly, mocking him for his terrible decision. He wished so desperately that he could go back in time and stop himself from walking away, from leaving those who needed him most. He left with the best of intentions, having been convinced that it was for the best.
Now he was wondering if that was the honest truth. Doubt was starting to shake his typically confident, sure nature. His absence didn’t seem to do anyone any good; he certainly wasn’t enjoying it himself. He didn’t have any friends at his new school, he missed his old friends, he couldn’t stand living with his dad but most of all, he missed James.
His soft smile, the way his eyes shone so bright but remained so soft at the same time, his passion for singing, spontaneously bursting into song. He missed being able to inhale and breathe in all that was James, the boy’s sweet scent; he missed James’ head on his chest, the brunette curling up against his side. When this all became too much, he reminded himself that he did this to help James. He tried his damn hardest to hold onto that reasoning but even he was starting to wonder if that was still the truth.
The Knight household was unusually quiet compared to its typical loud, rambunctious atmosphere. Where energy and fun once hung in the air, sorrow and worry took its place. These weren’t emotions that teens their age should experience an excess of. Their time was supposed to be spent executing shenanigans and just having fun. It was not supposed to be meant on mourning; that was something kids shouldn’t have to face.
Unfortunately, there’s rarely a choice behind this. Kendall would give anything to change that; he would give anything to ease the other’s pain, to keep it from ever occurring in the first place. Since he knew that was impossible, he was trying his hardest to just be there for the brunette, in any way he could.
Apparently, to James, that meant just having a place to rest his head for a while. Things at his house were kind of tense, the overwhelming sadness was almost suffocating. He had to get out of there, despite how his house’s mood seemed to match his directly. He’d rather be with his friends than mourning at home all by himself. Kendall was more than happy to provide a safe place to get away from everything for a while.
The pair resided in the living room, both sitting on the couch, both ignoring the TV that was playing in the background. Kendall was sitting with his back against the arm of the couch, his legs up on the cushions. James was sitting between them, his back pressed against Kendall’s chest. The pretty boy was clad in a baggy sweatshirt (one of Kendall’s) and a pair of loose sweats. His hair was pushed back, not as flawlessly quaffed as usually and he had on his glasses, which he only wore when he was too tired to go through his usual beauty routine. This past week had been just like this; it was a little startling to his friends and family how little effort James was putting into his appearance. It was understandable but everyone worried anyways. Kendall still thought he was absolutely beautiful, even when he was falling apart.
On the surface, Kendall was just being the great friend he was. But this was much, much deeper than that. Kendall was undeniably, irrevocably, uncontrollably in love with James. His want to bring comfort to the other boy was a lot different than the usual friendship motive; he felt a deep ache in his own chest when the brunette was upset. When James smiled, he smiled. When James laughed, he laughed. When James cried, he cried too. That was just the amazing connection he had to James. He never wanted to see James hurt and lately that was all he saw. He just wanted to see the brunette smile again; then all order would be restored in his world.
Kendall shook the year old memory out of his head, wanting it gone before the tell-tale wave of guilt washed over him. It was too late, however. He could already feel his gut constricting with this horrible emotion. The worst part was that he knew what he did was wrong; he knew that now and he didn’t need this guilt reminding him. But the damage had been done and it was too late to reverse it now. He had left; he wished desperately but ultimately couldn’t go back to the way things were.