(Untitled)
I AM A SELF ABSORBED BITCH THAT CANNOT KEEP A SECRET. EVERYTIME A PIECE OF INFORMATION COMES ACROSS MY PATH, I'M COMPELLED, HELL, I FEEL AN OBLIGATION TO SPREAD IT TO THE WORLD. IT'S MY GUILTY PLEASURE. I FIND NO GREATER JOY THAN IN SPREADING THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE. IT TICKLES MY FANCY AND SERVES AS A TITILLATER. YOU'VE CAUGHT ME! I GUESS THE GIG IS
( Read more... )
2. I am not allowed to blame others for my actions.
3. I am not allowed to correct Professors, even if I know I’m right.
4. I am not allowed to walk away when someone is talking to me, because it’s rude.
5. I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuff’s there is no Santa Clause.
6. I am not allowed to step on snails in Care of Magical Creatures just so I can watch Hagrid cry.
7. I am not allowed to taunt Professor McGonagall with catnip.
8. I am not allowed to shave Mrs. Norris
9. I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.
10. I am not allowed to sing ‘Holding Out For A Hero’ whenever Harry Potter enters the room.
11. I am not allowed to run into the Great Hall screaming ‘There‘s a giant asteroid headed for earth, who’s up for end of the world sex?’, as it causes riots.
12. I am not allowed to call Professor Trelawney insane or delusional, to her face.
13. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwick’s wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
14. I am not allowed to ask Ginny Weasley to see her ‘Chamber of Secrets’ because it gets you slapped.
15. I am not allowed to use my authority as a prefect to ‘confiscate’ my classmate's things just because I think they should be mine.
16. I am not allowed to eat my housemate’s sweets and blame in on Goyle.
17. I am not allowed to kick people even if I think they deserve it.
18. I am not allowed to tell first years there are free unicorn rides being giving away in the Forbidden Forest.
19. I am not allowed to leave instructions for facial alteration charms on Professor Snapes desk.
20. I am not allowed to leave shampoo either.
21. I am not allowed to magically write ‘Harry Potter Loves the Cock’ over the Quidditch pitch during matches. However, any other time is fair game, as it is the truth.
22. I am not allowed to wear death eater robes to dinner and shout ‘Long live Lord Voldemort’ because I think it’s funny.
23. I am not allowed to refer to Professor Dumbledore as ‘That old guy in a dress’.
24. I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing ‘I will Survive’ in the mirror, as it is disturbing.
25. I am not allowed to ask Professor Lupin about the mating habits of werewolves because his personal life is none of my business.
Reply
Leave a comment