I Wish...
I hate feeling like I am close to nothing at all. Why can't cupid shoot the both of us again, to give us that spark? Why is every conversation followed by avoidable arguments? I don't understand these invisible rules of love. I don't know what I have done to deserve feeling useless in my life. God has a plan for all of us, right? Maybe it was his plan for me to be gone by now. Yea, thats it. In God's eyes I should be lucky to still be here. I can't want more in life, because I shouldn't even be here on earth. I always wondered what would happen if I passed on. Would others talk about me, long after I passed? Or would the thought of me simply fade away like all the other lost memories? I wish I could have a special someone, who just loved the thought of standing at my side. I wish that could still be you. I wish that you could believe me when I say I love you. I don't remember the last time I heard you say the words "I love you". Am I that hopeless? Is there really no future for us? I'd rather die and be lost to the world, than to feel far from you. Right now I can't tell if I am close to you or not. I am drifting around, waiting for the chance to burst out and love again. I miss the hugs and kisses. I miss the hand holding when we walk. My eyes miss seeing your face. My nose misses smelling your hair. My hands miss the touch of your soft skin. But of course to you, it's all a front. I did wrong in the past, and no matter how sorry I am...I'll never get what I had. I want to fix things, but you are done with that. I must deal with the aftermath, and explain to myself that it's my fault. I am no better off than a sailor lost at sea. I'm no longer living, and with that I wish I could end it all...but how?