Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
So for your sake and mine lets hope this is the last sad and depressingg entry for a looooong while.
Just when things look up, they all come crashing down again. That feeling is back again. The feeling you get in your chest that makes you take deep, long breaths and the pit in your stomach that doesn't let you eat one damn thing. Its really hard for me to understand some people, and it HURTS me that i can't understand the person I thought I knew best. The funny part was for the past couple of days I didn't have a clue what I wanted, and I almost thought that I was the one who was going to move on first. God why do people tell you one thing and then their actions totally contridict what they say. Do not tell me there is a future for us anymore. Because that is impossible when we dont even have a present. If you do love me, it wouldnt have ever been a problem for you to wait...I never would have kept you waiting that long. Your excuses sucks. So go get high with your friends, and continue being the biggest hypocrite I've ever met. Sure we had good times, but at the moment I feel like I wasted an important part of my life for nothing. I hope that feeling will go away again. But please for my sake...dont come running up to me crying again, begging for me back, telling me I'm the only one for you, saying that you think I'd be the perfect girl forever, apologizing for being a dick (again and again). I've given you sooooooo many chances. And now I'm the fool. But don't you realize what love really is?? Obviously you don't understand it the way that I do. Because my words only say so much...they can't be as honest with you as my actions are. I've never lied to you, and I've never hidden the truth. If I loved someone, I would never put anything before them. I did that for you, and you pretty much stabbed me in the back, and took advantage of the fact that someone (you) was important to me. I realize what kind of person you are now...not the type I want. Go have your fun with whoever the hell you want...but it doesnt mean it doesnt still hurt me. Let me have my fun, and believe me I'm going to (starting tomorrow night!). Wait til you feel what its like to have to deal with everything I've put up with for the past 3 weeks. But honestly, unlike you I don't go for the first person to throw themselves at me. Sometimes i wonder why you ever meant so much to me, when so many other guys are sooo much nicer, not to just me but in general. You try to act like your better than me, like you could get whoever you want. Well keep thinking that, but Im not gonna let you tear me down. I realize the only time I ever get upset oevr you is when you don't want me. Its like a game to you...and unfortnatly I've been following your rules for tooo long. And to quote you directly "I have changed alot, probally for the worst. And you don't deserve to get dragged down to my level. You are too amazing/smart/intelligent/beautiful to be mistreated by anybody" i hope you still think that...I hope you know what you lost. I know deep down inside there is an amazing person inside you, but i havent seen him in a long time. So I hope you can be as happy as you can be and like you also said (quoting directly) "Emily, the times we shared together were in NO doubt amazing"... yea they were. But unfortunatly all things must come to an end... and this is it. But don't give up on yourself...try to be that better person.
I don't know why I feel partly responsible for this? But the last few weeks have been a major blow to my self-esteem. Thanks to everyone who has beared through it all, as silly as you think it may be. Wouldn't it be nice to just be able to let go of it all so easily??
Can't wait for tomorrow night. Not only are Lauren and Megan gonna have the awesomest time ever...but its about time to just completely let all of this drama go and have the best night I will have had in the longest time.
Thank you to everyone...I love you all sooooooooooo much!! <333333333333333
Just when things look up, they all come crashing down again. That feeling is back again. The feeling you get in your chest that makes you take deep, long breaths and the pit in your stomach that doesn't let you eat one damn thing. Its really hard for me to understand some people, and it HURTS me that i can't understand the person I thought I knew best. The funny part was for the past couple of days I didn't have a clue what I wanted, and I almost thought that I was the one who was going to move on first. God why do people tell you one thing and then their actions totally contridict what they say. Do not tell me there is a future for us anymore. Because that is impossible when we dont even have a present. If you do love me, it wouldnt have ever been a problem for you to wait...I never would have kept you waiting that long. Your excuses sucks. So go get high with your friends, and continue being the biggest hypocrite I've ever met. Sure we had good times, but at the moment I feel like I wasted an important part of my life for nothing. I hope that feeling will go away again. But please for my sake...dont come running up to me crying again, begging for me back, telling me I'm the only one for you, saying that you think I'd be the perfect girl forever, apologizing for being a dick (again and again). I've given you sooooooo many chances. And now I'm the fool. But don't you realize what love really is?? Obviously you don't understand it the way that I do. Because my words only say so much...they can't be as honest with you as my actions are. I've never lied to you, and I've never hidden the truth. If I loved someone, I would never put anything before them. I did that for you, and you pretty much stabbed me in the back, and took advantage of the fact that someone (you) was important to me. I realize what kind of person you are now...not the type I want. Go have your fun with whoever the hell you want...but it doesnt mean it doesnt still hurt me. Let me have my fun, and believe me I'm going to (starting tomorrow night!). Wait til you feel what its like to have to deal with everything I've put up with for the past 3 weeks. But honestly, unlike you I don't go for the first person to throw themselves at me. Sometimes i wonder why you ever meant so much to me, when so many other guys are sooo much nicer, not to just me but in general. You try to act like your better than me, like you could get whoever you want. Well keep thinking that, but Im not gonna let you tear me down. I realize the only time I ever get upset oevr you is when you don't want me. Its like a game to you...and unfortnatly I've been following your rules for tooo long. And to quote you directly "I have changed alot, probally for the worst. And you don't deserve to get dragged down to my level. You are too amazing/smart/intelligent/beautiful to be mistreated by anybody" i hope you still think that...I hope you know what you lost. I know deep down inside there is an amazing person inside you, but i havent seen him in a long time. So I hope you can be as happy as you can be and like you also said (quoting directly) "Emily, the times we shared together were in NO doubt amazing"... yea they were. But unfortunatly all things must come to an end... and this is it. But don't give up on yourself...try to be that better person.
I don't know why I feel partly responsible for this? But the last few weeks have been a major blow to my self-esteem. Thanks to everyone who has beared through it all, as silly as you think it may be. Wouldn't it be nice to just be able to let go of it all so easily??
Can't wait for tomorrow night. Not only are Lauren and Megan gonna have the awesomest time ever...but its about time to just completely let all of this drama go and have the best night I will have had in the longest time.
Thank you to everyone...I love you all sooooooooooo much!! <333333333333333