Hey ladies

[emnash17]

So it has been forever since we have hung out. Not becasue of lack of attempts though. I feel sooooo shity about not being able to go to chicago with you guys. So this is going to be the deep journal entry, just to let you know in advance. I feel soooo guilty that I am not going to chicago with you guys, but I am going to chicago with Sam and

Comments

Im baack

[mesmerized24601]

Ok for some reason I have been thinking about this post of yours all night, and had a dream that we were all in this big fight about something and i was really mad but couldnt figure out why. The good thing about lj is that you can say things more freely than you may say them to someones face, the bad thing is that you never know how the things are really meant to be taken and you dont get instant feedback like you would in a conversation. Frankley emily it really worries me that this worries you, because like I said, they and us are your friends and if you are the one to see a problem then there probly is one. Like mairsa and i were over tashis all day the other day and out with magda a few days before and i never felt any guilt about you not bieng there ya know. There would only be guilt for me if I choose them over you, if i was supposed to go to dinner with you and cancelled to go with magda. I think the only problem we all have in our friendship is good communication. Ive said it efore and i will say it again i dont think that you always say what you think. Or maby its follow through, i dont know but like when i called you sunday and you were putting bella to bed you said you would call back and then you didnt i figured you were busy with family but i did think that you would give me a call monday or tuesday or wed before i called you again. You also bring up the year thing and that really makes me kind of sad because unless you used it only for a bit of comic relief then i hate that it is on your mind at all, dont fall into one of those ruts where something happens a few times and people joke about it and talk about it so much that it becomes who you are! You have alot to give in a friendship you are a wonderful person, alot more than a year will allow. I guess this leaves us at a WHY? Why does it bother YOU that they are in the background when we talk, Why does it bother YOU that you will be in Chicago with them, Why were you afraid that they were reading this entry? oh forget it i can answer the last one i wouldnt want them to either. But seriously the other two are valid questions. Do YOU think that you have done something wrong? That you could of made better choices? I just think that i can see this somehow becoming sam and julies fault and i dont want that because i dont even know them so there is no way that is possible. I guess im trieng to say that if you have two groups of friends then there is nothing wrong with that we are not in fith grade but you have a responsibility to both friends, to be honest is a big one and to make time for everyone. This feels silly because you go to school woth them and i totally understand saying hey lets meet at shcool to study then spending five minutes studieng and six hours hanging out, thats just the way things work but emily, there is nothing wrong with saying hey sam hang on im gonna go give marisa a call i havent talked to her in a week, I would understand if it were vise versa. ----ok apparenty there is a word limit so i will continue in another post...