Love me because I'm fragile...
I have so much work to do and so little ambition to do it. I want to crawl into bed with Ben. I want to forget all the frenzy and chaos around me. I need escape. I'm letting these "things" get the very best of me. "They" are winning. And I feel like I've lost some sort of control. All the reasons... all these "things"... may be what some would call trivial, but not to me.
I have this fake confidence I try to portray to people. I'm not fragile. I'm tough. I'll take you on. I can do it. Give me more. I'm not scared. The truth of the matter is only Ben has seen the crazy insecure flip-side of me. He is the only one having to deal with the extent of this. I'm this strong bitch outside. I come home and cry over the stupidest things. Another god damn bug. More dictations. Spending 5 hours alone. I'm getting fat again. My clothes look like shit. This apartment is hopeless. I cry for my mom... knowing she'll be fine.
I feel as though I've lost touch. Family, friends, a life. We are going camping this weekend. I hope it pulls me from this funk. Something has to.
Ashleigh gave me this "Wild Words from Wild Women" calendar. Taped to my computer I have Wednesday, February 27th: "Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone's mistaken me for Noah." -Allison Raul, wisecracker. Amen, Allison.
I have this fake confidence I try to portray to people. I'm not fragile. I'm tough. I'll take you on. I can do it. Give me more. I'm not scared. The truth of the matter is only Ben has seen the crazy insecure flip-side of me. He is the only one having to deal with the extent of this. I'm this strong bitch outside. I come home and cry over the stupidest things. Another god damn bug. More dictations. Spending 5 hours alone. I'm getting fat again. My clothes look like shit. This apartment is hopeless. I cry for my mom... knowing she'll be fine.
I feel as though I've lost touch. Family, friends, a life. We are going camping this weekend. I hope it pulls me from this funk. Something has to.
Ashleigh gave me this "Wild Words from Wild Women" calendar. Taped to my computer I have Wednesday, February 27th: "Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone's mistaken me for Noah." -Allison Raul, wisecracker. Amen, Allison.