Five Times Ryan Failed At Life (but his band loved him anyway)
Title: Five Times Ryan Failed At Life (but his bandmates love him anyway)
Author: Emmy (noahatthedisco)
Pairing: Ryan/Spencer/Brendon/Jon
Rating: PG-13? If that?
Summery: Five times Ryan Ross failed at life. Based on his various blogs and twitters in the past couple weeks.
A/N: Colin prompted and I wrote. =D Unless I can find someone to beta for me, this isn't gonna get posted to any comms. So, present for my flist. Ryan!fail fic.
1.
They’d been living in California for only two days when Ryan almost fell of a cliff.
He’d been sent out to collect fire wood for the bonfire Jon was attempting to start. The scenery was nice enough and new enough to him that Ryan didn’t mind the walk. However, he was too preoccupied with making sure none of his clothes ($40 shirt, custom made skinny green khakis) got caught on the local plant life that he didn’t notice how close he had wandered to the edge.
It was only when he accidentally kicked a rock down the side and it went down, down, down that he realized he’d been about to walk right off the ledge. He stood frozen for a moment, staring down into the abyss which he had come so close to become a permanent addition too, before bolting away from the edge and running all the way home (home being Brendon’s house).
Ryan was sufficiently freaked out to stop Jon and Brendon from making fun of him. Spencer cuddled him and petted his hair, then they all piled onto the couch for a “Ryan almost died” smoking up session. Ryan kind of loved his boys.
The next day Spencer agreed to go out to the cliff with Ryan to help put a fence up so no one else could get hurt. Of course that meant Spencer put the fence up while Ryan stood behind him, admiring Spencer’s ass and the way his arms flexed as he pounded in nails. No one was surprised.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
2.
After the first month, Ryan’s water got shut off.
It’s not like he spent much time there anyway. He had his own place, they all did, but they spent most days (and nights) at Brendon’s house. It was the biggest, and had their sound studio in it, plus Brendon had the biggest bed. Occasionally though, Ryan would want some time to himself, and he’d wander back to his own place.
Still, it didn’t happen very often, and by the time he did make it back, his mail box was stuffed full of all kinds of junk. He resolved to deal with it all after a nice, private shower. (Not that he minded the sort of interruptions that usually hindered his bathing these days). Basking in the glory of being able to walk around naked without getting his ass slapped, Ryan set about having his nice, private shower.
Only to find he had no water.
After a few moments of confusion, Ryan raced into the kitchen for the stack of mail. There they were. First Notice. Second Notice. Final Notice. They’d shut off his water!
He groaned, and lightly banged his head on the table. How did he manage to forget to that? There was also a First Notice from the power and phone companies, which he wrote checks for and dropped off on his way back to Brendon’s.
He quickly explained what happened to his boys, at which they all just shook their heads indulgently. Spencer promised him that he would help Ryan remember next time, Brendon assured Ryan that he was always welcome at Brendon’s place, and Jon just smiled lovingly at him.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
3.
It was Jon who suggested the hike in the first place.
They hadn’t spent a lot of time together just the two of them in a while, and Jon promised he’d let Ryan take some pictures, so Ryan agreed happily enough. He’d been wanting to explore the area anyway. Spencer warned him not to fall off any cliffs and Brendon teased Ryan about wearing dress shoes and a tie to go hiking, but Ryan ignored both of them. He and Jon set off together.
It became apparent pretty quickly that, while playing shows every night kept you fairly healthy, it did not makes you physically fit. Within half an hour Ryas starting to feel worn down. Jon was fairing better, but he had years of teching to fall back on. The most physical things Ryan had ever done was walk his dog and skateboard.
It wasn’t surprising the first time he fell on his ass. His foot got caught in a tree root and he flailed comically before pitching backwards. By the third fall, Jon had stopped laughing at him. But the sixth Jon was nervously suggesting they head back, having just fallen himself trying to pull Ryan out of the mud. Ryan’s whole body was covered in bruises by the time they got back to the house. He was limping gingerly, leaning on Jon to avoid putting weight on his right ankle which was throbbing painfully.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
4.
It was a rare thing to find a time when Brendon was being quiet.
So when Ryan found him laying on his bed, head down by the foot of the bed listening to something on his iPod, Ryan couldn’t resist. Brendon smiled peacefully at him, eyes lazy and relaxed. Ryan glimpsed the name of a composer he didn’t know when Brendon flashed the screen of the iPod at him.
Happily he settled down next to Brendon on the bed with his laptop, plugging his own head phone in so he could watch a show. Brendon rolled over, snuggling happily into Ryan’s side.
He was so caught up in the show and the security of having Brendon’s warm body pressed against his that he didn’t notice the gigantic spider until it was crawling across his computer.
He practically screeched, scampering backwards up the bed, jarring Brendon out of his music coma. After a minute of disorientation Brendon saw the spider too and squawked, scrambling back to cower with Ryan by the headboard.
Apparently they’d made enough noise to call attention to themselves, because Spencer and Jon soon stuck their heads into the room. Jon took care of the spider while Spencer coaxed Ryan and Brendon out of the corner. That night, they were both still feeling the phantom sensation of little feet crawling all over them.
Ryan kind of failed at life, but sometimes Brendon did too.
5.
So, mice freaked Ryan out almost as much as spiders.
The first time he found one in the kitchen, he dragged Jon to the hardware store in town to buy as many mouse traps as they could carry. They set them up all over the house, but only where dogs/cats/Brendon couldn’t accidentally walk on them. Turned out it wasn’t Brendon who kept getting caught in them, but Ryan himself.
He always forgot about the trap in the bread box. He was talking to Brendon about the pros and cons of different sandwich fillings toppings, reaching blindly into the bread box. Predictably, the trap he always forgot about snapped shut on his fingers.
Swearing viciously, Ryan snatched his hand back, the mouse trap clamped down on his fingers. All three of the others look up at him, smiling in affectionate amusement. He pouted at them.
Sighing, Jon got up to help Ryan pry the trap off his fingers. Spencer went to get a pad of paper, writing as sign and sticking it to the bread box. It read “mouse trap in the bread box, doughebag”. By the time Jon got the trap off Ryan’s fingers they were red and swollen. He pouted again, examining his fingers. Brendon caught his hand gently, bring it up to his mouth to suckle softly at the abused flesh. Ryan watched him with lidded eyes.
Ryan kind of failed at life, but they all loved him anyway.
Author: Emmy (noahatthedisco)
Pairing: Ryan/Spencer/Brendon/Jon
Rating: PG-13? If that?
Summery: Five times Ryan Ross failed at life. Based on his various blogs and twitters in the past couple weeks.
A/N: Colin prompted and I wrote. =D Unless I can find someone to beta for me, this isn't gonna get posted to any comms. So, present for my flist. Ryan!fail fic.
1.
They’d been living in California for only two days when Ryan almost fell of a cliff.
He’d been sent out to collect fire wood for the bonfire Jon was attempting to start. The scenery was nice enough and new enough to him that Ryan didn’t mind the walk. However, he was too preoccupied with making sure none of his clothes ($40 shirt, custom made skinny green khakis) got caught on the local plant life that he didn’t notice how close he had wandered to the edge.
It was only when he accidentally kicked a rock down the side and it went down, down, down that he realized he’d been about to walk right off the ledge. He stood frozen for a moment, staring down into the abyss which he had come so close to become a permanent addition too, before bolting away from the edge and running all the way home (home being Brendon’s house).
Ryan was sufficiently freaked out to stop Jon and Brendon from making fun of him. Spencer cuddled him and petted his hair, then they all piled onto the couch for a “Ryan almost died” smoking up session. Ryan kind of loved his boys.
The next day Spencer agreed to go out to the cliff with Ryan to help put a fence up so no one else could get hurt. Of course that meant Spencer put the fence up while Ryan stood behind him, admiring Spencer’s ass and the way his arms flexed as he pounded in nails. No one was surprised.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
2.
After the first month, Ryan’s water got shut off.
It’s not like he spent much time there anyway. He had his own place, they all did, but they spent most days (and nights) at Brendon’s house. It was the biggest, and had their sound studio in it, plus Brendon had the biggest bed. Occasionally though, Ryan would want some time to himself, and he’d wander back to his own place.
Still, it didn’t happen very often, and by the time he did make it back, his mail box was stuffed full of all kinds of junk. He resolved to deal with it all after a nice, private shower. (Not that he minded the sort of interruptions that usually hindered his bathing these days). Basking in the glory of being able to walk around naked without getting his ass slapped, Ryan set about having his nice, private shower.
Only to find he had no water.
After a few moments of confusion, Ryan raced into the kitchen for the stack of mail. There they were. First Notice. Second Notice. Final Notice. They’d shut off his water!
He groaned, and lightly banged his head on the table. How did he manage to forget to that? There was also a First Notice from the power and phone companies, which he wrote checks for and dropped off on his way back to Brendon’s.
He quickly explained what happened to his boys, at which they all just shook their heads indulgently. Spencer promised him that he would help Ryan remember next time, Brendon assured Ryan that he was always welcome at Brendon’s place, and Jon just smiled lovingly at him.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
3.
It was Jon who suggested the hike in the first place.
They hadn’t spent a lot of time together just the two of them in a while, and Jon promised he’d let Ryan take some pictures, so Ryan agreed happily enough. He’d been wanting to explore the area anyway. Spencer warned him not to fall off any cliffs and Brendon teased Ryan about wearing dress shoes and a tie to go hiking, but Ryan ignored both of them. He and Jon set off together.
It became apparent pretty quickly that, while playing shows every night kept you fairly healthy, it did not makes you physically fit. Within half an hour Ryas starting to feel worn down. Jon was fairing better, but he had years of teching to fall back on. The most physical things Ryan had ever done was walk his dog and skateboard.
It wasn’t surprising the first time he fell on his ass. His foot got caught in a tree root and he flailed comically before pitching backwards. By the third fall, Jon had stopped laughing at him. But the sixth Jon was nervously suggesting they head back, having just fallen himself trying to pull Ryan out of the mud. Ryan’s whole body was covered in bruises by the time they got back to the house. He was limping gingerly, leaning on Jon to avoid putting weight on his right ankle which was throbbing painfully.
Ryan kind of failed at life.
4.
It was a rare thing to find a time when Brendon was being quiet.
So when Ryan found him laying on his bed, head down by the foot of the bed listening to something on his iPod, Ryan couldn’t resist. Brendon smiled peacefully at him, eyes lazy and relaxed. Ryan glimpsed the name of a composer he didn’t know when Brendon flashed the screen of the iPod at him.
Happily he settled down next to Brendon on the bed with his laptop, plugging his own head phone in so he could watch a show. Brendon rolled over, snuggling happily into Ryan’s side.
He was so caught up in the show and the security of having Brendon’s warm body pressed against his that he didn’t notice the gigantic spider until it was crawling across his computer.
He practically screeched, scampering backwards up the bed, jarring Brendon out of his music coma. After a minute of disorientation Brendon saw the spider too and squawked, scrambling back to cower with Ryan by the headboard.
Apparently they’d made enough noise to call attention to themselves, because Spencer and Jon soon stuck their heads into the room. Jon took care of the spider while Spencer coaxed Ryan and Brendon out of the corner. That night, they were both still feeling the phantom sensation of little feet crawling all over them.
Ryan kind of failed at life, but sometimes Brendon did too.
5.
So, mice freaked Ryan out almost as much as spiders.
The first time he found one in the kitchen, he dragged Jon to the hardware store in town to buy as many mouse traps as they could carry. They set them up all over the house, but only where dogs/cats/Brendon couldn’t accidentally walk on them. Turned out it wasn’t Brendon who kept getting caught in them, but Ryan himself.
He always forgot about the trap in the bread box. He was talking to Brendon about the pros and cons of different sandwich fillings toppings, reaching blindly into the bread box. Predictably, the trap he always forgot about snapped shut on his fingers.
Swearing viciously, Ryan snatched his hand back, the mouse trap clamped down on his fingers. All three of the others look up at him, smiling in affectionate amusement. He pouted at them.
Sighing, Jon got up to help Ryan pry the trap off his fingers. Spencer went to get a pad of paper, writing as sign and sticking it to the bread box. It read “mouse trap in the bread box, doughebag”. By the time Jon got the trap off Ryan’s fingers they were red and swollen. He pouted again, examining his fingers. Brendon caught his hand gently, bring it up to his mouth to suckle softly at the abused flesh. Ryan watched him with lidded eyes.
Ryan kind of failed at life, but they all loved him anyway.