just a glimps at how screwed up i am
I don't hear from someone in over a day without explanation, and I start worrying something's happened to them, that they're hurt or dead.
Jesus, I'll never get over this. it was 3 fucking years ago, and I still remember it like yesterday. The numbness, not being able to feel or think or cry or hurt. then after, once it sank in, the feeling like i was drowning, all the time. so much hurt. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
The fear's been the worst thing though. Ignore the fact that it completely screwed up my how i view my own self worth, and spend a lot of the time I have with friends waiting for them to leave me. I'm constantly afraid that something's going to happen to the people i care about. it impressed upon me the fragility of life. how easy it is to loose it.
idk. i thought i was mostly over this shit. apparently not. will i ever be?
tl;dr Emmy's a little bit screwed up, and she expects her friends to either leave her, or die on her.
Jesus, I'll never get over this. it was 3 fucking years ago, and I still remember it like yesterday. The numbness, not being able to feel or think or cry or hurt. then after, once it sank in, the feeling like i was drowning, all the time. so much hurt. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
The fear's been the worst thing though. Ignore the fact that it completely screwed up my how i view my own self worth, and spend a lot of the time I have with friends waiting for them to leave me. I'm constantly afraid that something's going to happen to the people i care about. it impressed upon me the fragility of life. how easy it is to loose it.
idk. i thought i was mostly over this shit. apparently not. will i ever be?
tl;dr Emmy's a little bit screwed up, and she expects her friends to either leave her, or die on her.