I bring you fic! Originally written for
aianonlovefest, now betaed and with a very slightly different ending because my lovely beta
sua_lay threatened to wring my neck because of it :D Also, I'm looking for another beta to not burden her too much. Only requirements for you would be to be a native English speaker and not having any morals when it comes to fic ;) Holler or PM if interested in helping a girl out.
Title: World's Most Influential
Author: Emmuzka
Rating: PG
Pairing: Kris/Adam, Adam/male
Genre: Crack! Also, AU
Summary: When Kris was recruited into the Secret Service, he'd never imagined he'd one day end up on a babysitting duty for a world-class prostitute.
World's Most Influential
When Kris was recruited into the Secret Service, he'd never imagined he'd one day end up on a babysitting duty for a world-class prostitute.
He checked the apartment number again before knocking. This whole thing was ridiculous. Ridiculous, and yet he had to work hard to repress the urge to check that his tie was straight and his hair in order. It's not like this guy had magical sex power or something. On the other hand, what he did, and gotten himself into...
He knocked again. This isn't a date, for godssake. That was what his boss had drilled to him. Several times, even.
"Allen, you are straight and married, right?"
"Yes?" What did that got to do with anything?
"I guess that has to be enough." His boss hadn't looked very satisfied, but continued, mumbling. "Too bad that you aren't old, fat and ugly, too."
"What?"
"Nothing. Wouldn't stop the likes of him, anyway. So, we are relying on you to keep your hands off him, because he's not the kind you can trust, especially on this."
"Yes, sir." Did his boss just tell him to look but don't touch a male hooker?
"Don't touch him. Actually, don't even look at him. Don't fall for him, share your secret desires with him, and in no circumstances have sex with him. Understood?"
So it's a Don't look and don't touch. Gotcha.
Kris couldn't wrap his head around it. The whole situation was just so unbelievable. Why would anyone who'd worked so hard to get to his position, especially that position endanger it so? Nothing, no one should be worth the risk.
And then the man worth the risk opened the door.
Kris couldn't help but stare at the guy. For a second he saw just a young guy with eyes squinted in laughter and the remains of a smile on his lips, but his face changed quickly when he really saw Kris, to non-descript, majestic. Erotic. No way the guy could look like that without a little help from a plastc surgeon; his nose, lips and cheekbones were all too symmetric to be natural. Tall and fit, with a way too thick mop of black hair, he was totally unreal.
"You mute or something?"
"Oh!" So maybe Kris had been staring a little longer than what was appropriate. "Kris Allen, Secret Service."
**
Adam Lambert didn't seem to be that surprised when a man in black came to usher him away.
"Only one of you?"
"Would you have preferred two agents?"
"But what if I try to flee?"
Cute. "You know that you're still not actually arrested, right? I'm here to escort you away from the potential mess, somewhere where you'll be safe. For your own good."
"For my safety. Right."
"It's protective custody."
Adam sized him up, the "You with what army" showing on his face. "Could I at least pack my stuff?"
"You can take one shoulder bag. You have ten minutes."
"Sheesh. Bossy." Still, Adam grabbed an expensive looking bag and started to pull clothes from his closet.
"How long will I be gone? I mean, what happens to all my stuff if I'm not here to pay the rent?"
"The agency will pay the rent, or you can give us a name of a friend and he can pick up your belongings."
"Friend, huh? So you just assumed hookers don't have mothers?"
"No, that's not-!"
"Relax, babe, I wouldn't want my mom to see..." Adam halted his attempt to stuff a pair of snakeskin boots into his already overflowing bag. "I have to call my mom."
Adam read Kris' startled face wrong. "You can't keep me from calling my mother!"
"You can call her when were in the car." To who the world's most influential hooker calls when the shit hits the fan? His mother, of course.
Eventually, it took Adam fifteen minutes to pack the bag and grab his phone, sunglasses and jacket. At the door, he still turned back and rushed to get a six pack of Red Bull. "Trust me. You wouldn’t want to see me in caffeine withdrawal."
Kris rolled his eyes and ushered Adam to the rented gray Ford. As long as Adam wasn't using anything illegal, Kris couldn't care less.
Adam had the time to finish his phone call before Kris had even managed to maneuver them out of the city.
"So, where are we going?"
"Somewhere safe."
"Safe, as in you have to keep me safe and away from the media in case I'm ordered to testify, or safe as in you will smuggle me into a country with no extradition agreement in case I'm ordered to testify?"
"You aren't transferred out of the country, at least not for now."
"Can I have a word on where I'm going to disappear?"
"Um, as you aren't arrested, so… We have a safe house ready, but if you have a suggestion on a secluded and secure place, I'm willing to listen. And you would still be guarded twenty four seven."
"Okay, I want to go to L.A."
"L.A?"
"That's where my mother lives."
Right.
**
This was admittedly the strangest road trip Kris had ever made. After two Red Bulls, Adam had started chatting away. Just this and that, seemingly completely random, and abruptly changing the topic from time to time. First Kris hadn't noticed it, but he even changed his tone and lilt of his voice. Thought not completely normal, it didn't feel dangerous in any way, and since they had hours to kill, Kris decided to just let him chatter.
This was the guy who could get any man he wanted, gay or straight? Okay, Kris could see that Adam was handsome in a way, but it wasn't like Adam would be discarding sex hormones in the air. Then Kris noticed that Adam was following Kris' reactions to the inane chatter like a hawk.
He maybe fresh-faced, but not completely clueless. He knew when he saw a people handler at work. "You have now tried a sex bomb, a damsel in distress, an innocent bystander, a slutty bottom just waiting to be used a father figure and a therapist. What next? My best friend forever?"
Adam looked clearly startled, even when he managed to cover it quickly. "I was thinking more of an abuse victim with a bad childhood. You know, 'The strange man gave my dad money and then he touched me in bad places.'"
That came out with a voice so full of repressed anguish that Kris' brain froze for a moment. It took him a second to glance Adam, to see his face.
Adam was smirking. "Gotcha!"
Shit. Kris raised his eyebrow calmly to show that he hadn't been that effected. No, really.
"Okay, you are unflappable", Adam amended his victory. "So I can just stop trying to seduce you and relax?"
"Thank you."
They both kept a silence for maybe half an hour. Then Kris couldn't just not ask.
"Okay, off the record, but..."
"Yes?" Adam obviously knew what was coming.
"Did you really-?"
"Yes."
"But why?"
Adam sunk deeper in his seat, thinking. "Why not? He is a nice guy. I wasn't like, hunting him down, it just happened."
"But how did you even-?"
Adam massaged the skin between his eyebrows. Maybe the subject matter was giving him a headache. "He didn't order me from a catalog, Kris. He met me in this ballroom event where I was escorting a client. We ended talking. We hit it off."
"Did he know that you are a..."
"Yes, of course. His security knew who I was before I stepped my foot on the premises."
"And then?"
"Then we sent each other love letters and he pulled my pigtails. What do you think?"
"I'm sorry, it's none of my-."
"No, it isn't."
Adam turned pointedly to look out of the side window. This interview was over.
**
In the evening, Kris checked them in to a motel. It wasn't late yet, but he didn't feel like driving and stopping now to avoid the risk of ending up sleeping in the car was as good an excuse as any.
One room, two beds. Nothing fancy, but not a dump either. Just something incredibly bland, anonymous, where everyone minded only their own businesses.
Kris let Adam in and stayed in the empty corridor to call in their whereabouts. The briefing he got in return made him almost swear out loud. It looked like he'd managed to transfer Adam out of the storm only hours before this whole thing went to hell.
Adam was digging through his bag, television already blaring in the background, when Kris finally entered their room.
"The tape got out. We'll have to change your appearance, just in case."
"What tape?" Adam asked, before it dawned to him that there could only be one kind of tape that wouls him whisked away by national security. "Aw, fuck, what the hell?"
"You didn't know?"
"Of course I didn't know! You don't go around videotaping fucking the President of the United States, fuck!"
The situation had now definitely gone from worse to disastrous, and it only now came to Kris that no-one had actually briefed Adam on what was going on before he showed up at Adam's door. And yet Adam had gone with him, no questions asked.
"Okay, there is nothing we can do about it now, but we have to change the way you look, so people won't recognize you so easily."
"That's pretty easy to do." Adam sure was quick to change his mood when it came to things that he couldn't change. "Go buy me a bottle of peroxide. I'm going back to blond."
"Back to?" Oh, right.
"Can I trust you not to head off in the meantime? I do have handcuffs, you know."
"Kinky, but not needed."
Adam had turned his back on Kris and was now stripping his shirt off. But unlike Kris had thought, he didn't head to the bathroom; instead he went straight to the tiny balcony.
"What are you planning on doing? Sunbathing?"
Adam was already sliding the glass door open. "I'm planning on burning."
A few hours later they were both staring the stranger in the mirror. Kris was rather proud of their joint effort. Adam had been right. An hour in sunlight, even indirect evening light, was enough to turn his skin unflattering shade of pink. With his now blond hair and burned nose and cheeks, he was almost unrecognizable. After finally finding the correct aisle for peroxide, Kris had also picked up nail polish removal crap, then added ugly plastic sandals in the basket, anything to replace Adam's flashy boots
Adam's hair was still damp, all askew at the back of his head, and Kris couldn't stop himself from running his fingers through the slightly curling locks, just to straighten them up. It was nothing, right? He'd already helped Adam with the dyeing, though it was a whole different thing to feel his hair against his bare skin instead of rubbing the chemical goo in, using rubber gloves. Alien condoms, Adam had joked.
Kris looked at Adam's reflection in the mirror. "Add ten pounds and you could be a corn fed all American Boy."
Adam squinted his burned nose. "I was rather thinking more like, lose ten pounds and I could be a Californian twink."
It was kind of ridiculous, but all Kris could think of was that Adam was absolutely gorgeous. Their shoulders were touching, and he couldn't say just how he'd got so close. Maybe Adam did indeed have some weird sex hormone thing going on, who knew, and Kris laughed out loud at the thought.
Adam smirked at him, eyes questioning. "What?"
Then they were kissing, and it didn't matter which one of them initiated it, because it was perfect. They stumbled out of their clothes and to the bed. At some point Kris thanked god for his decision to let Adam to pack his bag, because the bible in the desk drawer surely wouldn’t have helped on preparing him on what they were doing. Then he send a quick apology because hey, blasphemy., Then… he wasn't thinking pretty much anything, because oh.
**
A phone call woke Kris up. He carefully untangled himself from under Adam's heavy arm, trying to not wake him up and fumbled for his cell from the nightstand. His regular check-in time wasn't in two hours, so Knew knew immediately that it was important.
It was indeed important. Kris sat up, half way out of the bed with the chep carpet scratching at hisbare feet, when his posture went rigid at the curt command from his superiors.
After the call he just sat there. Five minutes. He could give himself five minutes before he woke Adam up. What the hell had he been doing? What the hell had he been thinking?
"Adam, wake up." He didn't dare to touch, not anymore.
Adam woke up, but just stretched on the bed, disoriented. Kris couldn’t wait.
"Adam, I have to take you back. They want you back, as soon as possible."
"What? Who?"
"He wants you back."
"Oh." Adam rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. The blond strands stood up every which way. "You think we have the time to stop for a breakfast?"
"Adam." Kris moved a little, to meet him at his side of the bed. It felt like he couldn't breathe right.
"Take away coffees, then?"
"Adam." Kris' voice cracked.
Adam raised his eyes to focus on him fully, now alerted.
"Adam, come with me. Let's take off, let's go to Mexico, something." Fuck this shit. He wanted Adam, and Adam wanted him, and they would go together...
Adam didn't say anything, just sat straighter on the bed, like he was holding himself carefully.
"Say something!"
Finally, finally Adam's face melted into an expression other than bland disinterest. But it was not the smile Kris wanted; it was an expression of resentment, of exhaustion. "Kris, no. That's impossible, and you know it."
"Please!" Kris grabbed a hold on Adam's shoulders, like he could physically stop Adam from dismissing him.
Adam looked pointedly Kris' left hand, and for the first time in his life, Kris wanted to yank out the wedding ring in his finger.
"Kris, you have a life to go back to, a wife, a career. I'm not a life choice, I'm... a temporary insanity. And if you won't escort me back, they will send someone else. Several someones."
Kris knew it was impossible, but what if. How could he go back to his boring, safe life without always thinking What if?
"I'm sorry, Kris. I didn't plan this."
Didn't plan to make Kris fall in love with him. At least that was something. And that was that. Adam had slammed the door closed in front of Kris' ridiculous, sudden and unexplained fantasy.
"I'm sorry, too." Kris had to force his fingers to release his hold on Adam. No final kiss, because then be might just break down and beg. He turned to fetch his clothes from the floor. This couldn't be it, Kris wouldn't let it be. Maybe Adam would need a new bodyguard? "Okay, we'll compromise. Drive trough breakfast it is."
End!