AI Fic: Visit (Adam/Kris, PG)

[emmuzka]

Title: Visit
Author: Emmuzka
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: PG
Warning: References to off-screen nonconsensual sex.
Summary: Adam was now steadily picking his nail polish off, his signature stress effect. “Until five months ago, I was happily Single, no kids!" That came out a bit hysterically.
Notes: Betaed by lovely sua_lay, who had the guts to ridicule the first version of this fic.


Visit

Kris slammed the taxi door shut and let the car leave. He had only two suitcases, so no use bothering the driver to help him to wrestle them to Adam’s door.

Two suitcases, for two weeks stay, maybe. He hoped. They haven’t seen each other for what Kris felt ages. Maybe for six months. Even the texting had slowed down to almost nothing at some point; Kris didn’t know exactly why. He was a polite person and he had his own rules on what was appropriate; one of his rules was that you couldn’t send a third text message if two previous ones were left unanswered. That had cut it. Now that Kris was thinking about it, the rule had cut it severely.

So when Kris had called to tell that he had two weeks off with absolutely nothing on his schedule, Adam had invited him over. For how long, that hadn’t been actually discussed, but Kris wanted to think that the whole two weeks went without saying. But still; left open. Not negotiated.

Adam had a nice house. No front yard, but there was a pool in the back. That had been the deciding factor between that and the downtown condo. The house wasn’t very big or terribly expensive, but Adam was a person who rather paid his parents’ mortgages first and only then went hunting for a place of his own

Kris didn’t have to wait long after ringing the bell. He got the full body hug greeting right there on the front steps. It felt familiar and comforting. Adam was the same guy, solid and smelling like expensive hair products, with enough metal jewelry to make a red mark somewhere on Kris’ skin during the hug. This was what Kris had been waiting for, kind of, though something was different. What had happened to the Adam he knew; the one who nuzzled his ear for the fun of it and grabbed a hold of his checkered shirt, wordlessly making fun of it? This Adam was subdued, and pulled him to a hug in a different way, almost clingy, but still as real as it got.

“Come in! You want coffee? Beer?”

Kris agreed on coffee and they continued towards the kitchen, abandoning the suitcases in the hallway. Kris looked around. Something was different, more still. He couldn't really say if it was something about the house of if it was Adam. When had this happened? In all honesty, he had had too much on his mind to really notice the change in the air. Kris felt a bit guilty over that, but really; had Adam asked him why was he suddenly free to visit without Katy? No, he hadn't.

Before they reached the kitchen Adam stopped at the living room doorway and dipped in, feet still firmly planted on the corridor. Kris almost collided into him, but managed to steady himself with a flailing hand that landed at Adam's back. He peeked around his tall friend to the living room with some curiosity.

There was a child in the living room, lounging on the sofa with a can of soda negligently planted next to her leg, watching some music video show on Adam's larger-than-life flat screen. A girl, maybe ten years old.

“Mary, this is Kris.” No smiles, no explanations why there was this child in his house. Adam hadn’t said anything about other guests. His two weeks vacation was starting to look compromised already.

"Oh, hello."

"Hello." The girl gave them a brief glance, but turned soon back to her program.

Still no elaboration. They continued to the kitchen. Kris hopped to a bar stool, silently wishing he'd asked for a beer instead. Something strange was definitely going on here, changing the usually so relaxed atmosphere into something unpleasant.

He let Adam tinker with his stainless steel coffee machine for a few minutes, hoping he wouldn't even have to ask, but Adam didn't seem to be in any hurry to start any kind of conversation, a surprise on its own.

“So...?”

“So.” Adam abandoned the machine and stood before Kris, looking... at a loss? Tired?

“The thing is. That’s my daughter in there. My kid. Her name is Mary.”

What? “I.. I didn't know that..."

"Me neither!” Adam was now steadily picking his nail polish off, his signature stress effect. “Until five months ago, I was happily single, no kids!" That came out a bit hysterically.

“That’s really your kid? For sure?” Kris knew he sounded like an idiot, but right now it was either the kindergarten questions or regressing into monosyllables.

“Yes, I’m sure sure.”

"But... You are gay, Adam?"

Adam snorted. "Thanks for telling me that, man! What, it’s only the straight ones that go two beer queers, and gay guys stay gay every moment of their lives?"

"Yes, sorry, stupid question."

Wow. Adam had a kid. Kids were nice, Kris thought, but more on a conceptual level, existing only as an idea of maybe having some later, much later. Way different than having one sitting in the next room.

“Can I...?”

Adam made a shooing motion, something between “Go, knock yourself out” and “Do what you have to, I don’t care.”

Kris went back to check on the girl, walking deliberately softly to not to draw her attention. And wow, he was stalking Adam’s kid. The whole thing was crazy.

He took a better look at the girl. She had a very light complexion with freckles sprinkled on her cheekbones, and her shorn, brittle hair was light brown. She looked small and skinny, but older than what he had thought from the first look. A lot older.

Kris tiptoed back to the kitchen, where Adam had stopped pretending that he was doing anything but waiting for the verdict.

"How old is she?"

Adam hesitated, his gaze escaping Kris and moving to the floor.

"Adam?"

"She is fourteen."

Kris knew he was gaping, and closed his mouth, teeth snapping together.

"Wha... Fourteen? But that would mean that you got her when you were..."

“I didn't GET to do anything, Kris!”

Oh shit. The look on Adam's face made Kris to get a perspective on what had maybe happened.

“How old was she at the time? The mother?" Please tell me that she was fifteen, and that you were really mature for your age.

"I don't know. Thirty, maybe."

And that was just sick. "Do Leila and Eber know?"

Adam took a deep breath. "No, not yet. Not about her, like, generally, and not about-." Adam waved his hand in an indescribable gesture.

Kris completed the aborted sentence in his mind. Know about her age. Who had made Adam father a child at thirteen? And what was the kid doing here now?

“I have known about her for something like five months, now. That's still something to get used to. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell sooner.”

Five months and Adam hadn’t told to his parents. “That’s okay. It must be weird, I can imagine. Or can’t, but... You know.”

“She has been here... a little less than two weeks. She doesn't even have any stuff yet, just clothes.”

“But where she lived before this? Where is her mother, or guardian?”

“I guess I'm the guardian now. Or, you know, the father. I got a paternity test to prove that, too. And her mother is gone.”

“Oh.” That would explain some things.

The look on Kris' face clearly made Adam to revise what he had just said. “No, she is not dead, she just... left. She has probably crossed the state line, changed her name too, by now.”

“But why would she ever do that?”

“Okay, so, the thing is... She would have never contacted me if it wouldn't have been absolutely necessary. But Mary got sick. She’s got leukemia."

Kris, on instinct, turned towards the doorway, like he could feel her in the other room, see through the wall if she was okay.

"She is well now. Or, you know, better. She is in a remission."

"That's good." It felt strange, to fear for the life of a person he had known to even exist for less than thirty minutes.

"She got a bone marrow transplant from me. That's the only reason her mother contacted me in the first place. She wasn't a match, so it was either my side of the family or nothing."

"She did a good thing." She exploited a thirteen old, never told Adam or his family about the kid and then showed up with her to Adam's doorstep only to dump her and disappear. What kind of person would do something like that?

"It must have been hard for her to leave Mary, but Mary isn't well yet. Maybe she thought that this would be better for Mary."

Yes, a real martyr. Kris couldn’t help it, he felt no sympathy towards Mary’s mother. “But what if she comes back? If she wants to take her with her?”

"I don’t know. I just don't know."

Adam seemed disgruntled. Kris would rather have had a mad Adam. This almost depressed Adam was unsettling, almost scary. "Aren't you angry of what she did to you? Then and now? You just let her leave? Don't you want her to be punished?"

"For what? The crime of,” And now Adam looked straight at him, like daring him to feel pity, "Of statutory rape went old ages ago. And I refuse to be a victim in the eyes of the whole fucking nation."

"Okay, okay." Kris raised his hands a little as a gesture of surrender. Kris wanted it all to just go away, but this wasn’t a fairytale, so he had to settle the next best thing; to help as much as he could. So he would figure out a plan. He was a great planner. Really.

“You haven’t made it official yet, that you have a daughter. Have you thought about when to make it public? And when did you plan to tell your parents, and Neil, about this?”

Adam went back to his coffee project. Good. They both needed it. "I don't know. I have been... pretty much non-functional. Before this, the first time I met Mary, she was already in-patient in the hospital and very sick. And that was where we focused at. And after we heard that she was going to get better, Mrs. Mer... Her mother just left. It was either the child protective services or me, so of course I took her in. It’s like I’ve been suffering of a tunnel vision for the last five months. Mary and I haven't really even talked that much so far."

So Adam had known of her for five months, but known her? A few weeks, and even that was a generous estimate.

"Okay." Kris was already planning ahead. With the paternity test done, Adam should have no real legal problems. Mary would have to be enrolled to a good school nearby in the fall. What grade she was in? Would she have to double a year for being sick? Two years? Wait a minute...

"She was an authority figure to you, wasn't she? The mother?”

Adam nodded.

"School teacher? Drama teacher? Doctor?"

"School teacher."

What the hell do you say to that? I'm sorry that you got molested by your teacher, I hope it didn't feel like that at the time?

"My mom's going to be so disappointed in me."

"No she won't. She will be upset, but not disappointed."

"But I didn't tell. My parents always said how important it was to not keep secrets from your parents. It’s going to kill them to hear that there were... problems that I didn’t tell and they didn’t notice."

"Listen to me! You were a kid then! You were not responsible!"

"But it was still stupid."

“Adam.” Kris grabbed Adam to a long hug. This was what anxiety smelled like, felt like. Adam was like a coiled spring, muscles tense. It took a while before Kris felt the slight relaxation and saw that Adam’s hands had stopped trembling. Finally Kris released the hug but still kept his hands on Adam’s shoulders to hold him still.

"Are you okay, Adam?"

Averted eyes. "I will be."

This was something that Kris couldn’t fix, as much as he would have liked to. Because the new elephant in the room was the girl, and she wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t her fault, but she didn’t leave Adam any room to be not okay.

They settled in the kitchen and pulled food from the cupboard and freezer. Kris wasn’t that hungry, but he could handle some comfort food. And Adam looked like he could afford to gain a pound, anyway. Their pig-out was only halted by Mary’s venture to the kitchen.

Mary grabbed a coke, while both Kris and Adam just stared at her, their ice cream cartons lowered. What idiots they were.

She slammed the fridge door shut behind her, but instead of leaving, she fetched a glass and even ice. Adam and Kris just stood there, the silence getting more and more awkward for them. They were adults, for God's sake, how hard it would be to strike a conversation with a child?

"Um. Ice cream?" Kris muttered. How eloquent. Now she had her drink and she would leave, thank goodness,

"Wow. Kris Allen. Wow." Instead of leaving, she climbed to a barstool and faced them. "I knew it would be you, but now you are like, in this kitchen. With me." She ducked her head down. "Sorry, a fangirl moment."

"That's okay."

Mary seemed content with just hanging there, sipping her Coke and watching him like he was her next entertainment after her television show. But that was only fair, taken that they had stared her only a moment ago.

“So you play? Sing? I could give you a guitar lesson, or a piano lesson, if you are interested.” Except that he hadn’t taken his guitar with him. And now he remembered that Adam didn’t have a piano in the house. Way to stick a foot in his mouth.

“I play guitar, a little!” She hopped off from the barstool. “Um, except that I don’t have a guitar with me.”

“Me, neither!” Kris blurted out, and then joined Mary in a short laugh.

“We could go tomorrow to buy you a guitar. Kris could help you pick it.” And now Adam decided to step in the conversation when the ice had been broken. Good job, man.

“Yeah? Promise? Because I’m going to hold on to that.”

“I promise.”

Seemingly satisfied with his promise and her Idol fan moment, she put her empty glass in the sink and left the kitchen.

“Hey! Dishes go straight to the washing machine!” Adam called after her. “Or whatever.” He glanced at Kris in awe. “That was the first time I have actually seen her exited about anything. And I didn’t even know she played.”

Kris dug his spoon back into the ice cream bucket. “What will you say to the press?" Maybe they could say that she was a distant cousin or something, that Adam had taken in. Or lie her age. Both were very bad options in the age where anyone with an internet connection and half a brain could do major information searches.

"Nothing. Not their business." And now Adam was on defense again. Way to go with this conversation.

"Adam. You have to at least think of a strategy for the best way of this to come out. Because it will come out, eventually. You will need the legal document for her to keep living with you, and those papers? Will be public. It's only a matter of which will find those first, the stalker fans or the stalker journalists."

"Whatever. I don't care."

Liar. "Yes you do care. And even if you wouldn't care about you, you should care about her. And that your parents will hear it from you and not from the tabloids."

”Kris. My life strategy for more than ten years has been to just be what I am and to hell with the rest. I don’t do half truths.” Adam looked down. ”I kept quiet about it then because I didn’t want to be that poor Lambert boy, and cause disappointment, and be the week’s hot gossip. And I still don’t.”

”But you kind of have to.”

Adam looked in his eyes. ”I know.”

“You tired?”

Way to change the subject, dude. Kris wasn’t, not really, but at least it would be a way to cut the evening short. “Yeah.”

They went back to the hallway to retrieve Kris’ bags and then continued upstairs. Neither said anything to Mary. Maybe she had her own routines, Kris didn’t know. And it was actually too early to go to bed, even for a kid, so saying good night now would have been odd.

Adam carried Kris’ bags to his own room. Well, that was new. Adam put the bags down in the middle of the room, letting them be the question. Adam had a ridiculously large bed, so it was not like Kris wouldn’t fit. This was probably Adam’s way of saying that he needed company for the night, and Kris could never deny him this small favor.

Kris wasn’t good with this wordless communication thing. ”I could stay here for the night? To keep you company?”

”Yeah, sure.” Adam sounded relieved.

They settled to the bed, but neither of the men even pretended to try to sleep. They lay in the darkened room, waiting.

“There was this little room behind the class room, nobody used it. I don't think anyone else had the key but her. Or that anyone cared.”

Finally. Kris didn’t want to hear it, not really, but sometimes things needed to be said.

“It was exiting, and scary, and she was my teacher, you know? And at first I didn't tell anybody because she told me not to, and I kinda wanted it, I guess. And later... Fuck if I wanted anybody to know. Everyone knowing at school, I would have died. You know?”

Kris knew. When he was that age, could he have made an adult's assessment of the situation, decided that the teacher was abusing her power? Hell no. Kids that age didn't even understand the magnitude of teachers' authority power, never mind see enough evidence to really put it under question. And afterwards, what did it help to know the teacher was wrong when the threat of everyone knowing was enough to cause teenage suicides?

“She always gave me good grades. Money, too. Um.”

Was this the first time Adam had said that aloud? Had he realized just now the adult viewpoint of giving money for sex? To a thirteen year old, money was just a perk, a gift, like candy, or cd’s or cigarettes.

Kris could hear Adam breathing. "Why do you think she did it?"

"She was with somebody. Maybe she wanted a kid, and this was her solution to get one that would look similar to him? They moved away before it was known that she was pregnant. So it was not about my age.”

And maybe Adam needed it to be about something else than his age. But she’d coaxed a thirteen year old, who was her student and still a damn child. Pedophile or not, she was till a sick woman.

“Mary had a good childhood, I guess. They moved a lot. She married the guy she was with when she was here, so she wasn’t like, a single mother. But they divorced when there were some problems, again.”

Meaning that Adam wanted her to have had a good childhood. And the “problems” being she getting involved with some child again, probably.

“She told you this?”

“Kind of. We didn’t really talk that much, we always met at the hospital. But Mary has told me some, and my lawyer.”

"Do you think that what happened to you... changed you?"

"How could it not?" Rustling, like Adam was making a double take. "No, don't you go there. Are you seriously asking me if I turned gay because I was touched in a bad way by a woman?"

Yes... "No?"

"Because I didn't. First of all, you don't turn gay, you are born that way, and secondly, you sound like a bad gossip rag."

"I'm sorry! Just a thought!"

They felt silent again. Maybe this would be the end of the issue. Or not. “If someone in the media starts to push the idea of all gays being sexually-” Shit. Kris felt like he could have physically slapped Adam. Surely he would have felt better about it than what he felt now. Adam showed no reaction, but Kris didn't know if that was a good thing. "Abused. Sexually abused as kids, that would be a one fucking massive weapon. You gotta think about how to handle this before it all blows in your face, man."

“I’ll think of something. Rolling Stone, maybe? Or I’ll just ask Neil to interview me. His site loves stuff about me.”

Well, that sounded almost too easy.

Adam turned to his side, facing Kris. “I’m not okay, Kris.”

“Adam...” This guy freaking broke his heart. Kris so much wanted to make this better, to take his pain away, anything. And then they were kissing, straight to deep and hungry, lips crushing, stealing their breath away.

Adam was everything, a promise of something better than he had ever even knew to desire. He wanted to own that mouth, devour and bite and Adam was not okay.

Kris pulled back. His first clear draw of breath felt like a loss. “This is a really bad idea.”

Adam stared at him, pupils dilated, mouth wet. “No, it's a great idea.”

“Okay, it's great, by god it’s a freaking great idea, but a really bad, too."

Adam flopped to his back. “My timing sucks, I know.” He offered it hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure if he should simply apologize.

“If I would think that you were doing this for wrong reasons, I would say it. But I’m just agreeing with you that our timing sucks, okay? You’ll promise me a rain check?

“Okay.” Kris could maybe hear a hesitant smile in Adam’s voice.

They settled back to their pretending-to-sleep.

There was a kid in the house, and Kris had no idea how kids that age behaved and what they needed. Sure, she seemed okay. She had to be, since she was Adam's kid, and she was here, and there was no way around it. And because of that, Kris would freaking love the kid, no matter what. Because that complete stranger? She owned Adam, even if neither of them knew it yet.

"You aren't going to say good night to her?" For Adam’s sake, Kris wanted him to be interested in his kid, and learn to be a decent father pretty damn fast.

A shrug from Adam. Damn. That “whatever”-gesture was loosing it charm, and fast.

"Okay, I'll go, then." Just this once.

"So you will stay, then? With us?"

"Yes." For two weeks? Two years? Left open. Not negotiated.