Patterns
I hate the way my life falls into patterns. Also known as, the way in which I repeat my mistakes over and over again. With boys, specifically.
I think a friend of mine is cute, we hook up a couple times, I start to like him, he's an asshole. Time passes, he apologizes, we're friends again, I start to think he's cute again. I can already tell that it's only a matter of time before unfortunate incidents occur again.
I develop interests in guys that I've met for very brief periods of time; they're fleeting during our time together, but rekindles itself and then grows as I talk to them online. Things get to the point where it looks like something could legitimately spark this connection into actual physicality, despite the distance, but it never happens and I'm hurt again and again. The latest is a guy I met a year ago and haven't seen since; he's not near me when I'm at school and even farther away when I'm at home. I never expected my little crush on him a year ago to respark, and at most I'd hoped for a one-time hookup at the reunion we were supposed to attend this summer but both failed to make. We flirted mildly around that time, I suggested he come visit me at school but never anticipated that he would actually consider it. Then the other day he IMs me, not only showing interest in visiting, but even more interest in, well, me. I get soooo psyched. He continues to show interest for a couple days or so. Then, nothing. I'm left confused and frustrated and even more cynical about the whole situation than I was to begin with.
And people wonder why I'm so bad at opening up.
I think a friend of mine is cute, we hook up a couple times, I start to like him, he's an asshole. Time passes, he apologizes, we're friends again, I start to think he's cute again. I can already tell that it's only a matter of time before unfortunate incidents occur again.
I develop interests in guys that I've met for very brief periods of time; they're fleeting during our time together, but rekindles itself and then grows as I talk to them online. Things get to the point where it looks like something could legitimately spark this connection into actual physicality, despite the distance, but it never happens and I'm hurt again and again. The latest is a guy I met a year ago and haven't seen since; he's not near me when I'm at school and even farther away when I'm at home. I never expected my little crush on him a year ago to respark, and at most I'd hoped for a one-time hookup at the reunion we were supposed to attend this summer but both failed to make. We flirted mildly around that time, I suggested he come visit me at school but never anticipated that he would actually consider it. Then the other day he IMs me, not only showing interest in visiting, but even more interest in, well, me. I get soooo psyched. He continues to show interest for a couple days or so. Then, nothing. I'm left confused and frustrated and even more cynical about the whole situation than I was to begin with.
And people wonder why I'm so bad at opening up.