Say "No" to Text Messages
I have decided to start a campaign against text messages. Why, you might ask? Well, it partly has to do with the fact that I'm on an old plan, in which I pay 35 cents per text message. This wasn't a problem back when I was getting, say, one text message every week or two. However, a strange thing about the East Coast, that didn't happen on the West Coast, is that EVERYONE text messages. Someone wants to ask me if I'm going to a review session - they text message. Someone wants to ask me where I went (when I said I was going to the computer lab to print something out, but actually lied and ended up going to the library, because the people I was studying with were talking too much and I was getting distracted***). They text message. I got like 10 text messages today!
It's not just the cost of text messaging, though. I do understand that sometimes text messaging is necessary (e.g. you're in lecture, your friend is 4 rows away from you, and you want to share some particularly clever witticism without passing notes back and forth). I'm OK with, even support, text messaging under those circumstances.
It's that I feel like written media - text messaging, e-mail, even letters - sometimes substitute for face-to-face interaction, for conversation, in a way that can even be described as cowardly. I mean, how many times have you, frustrated, hammered out a furious e-mail to someone to whom you've failed to confront face-to-face ? (The better question would be, how many times have *I* written such e-mails? And the answer would be ... no comment). In written media, you say things that you wouldn't dare to say in person. More subtle instances of fear of spoken interaction exist. For example, let's say I'm totally crushed out on a cute fellow med student who plays the guitar and is a vegan. (Totally hypothetical, of course). However, I'm afraid to show my true emotions, because I don't want to get hurt. So instead of calling him to ask him out - instead of risking that he discern my feelings, that I hear whether or not he hesitates - I text message him.
It's easy. Too easy. I'll channel Gracie Lyons' "Constructive Criticism" manual, when I say that communication between people would be so much easier if we thought a little bit about what we wanted to say, then said it in clear, decisive language, with concrete examples. No verbal sneaking-around. No being afraid. If we get hurt, we get hurt. At least we were honest and open.
There's also the other facet of text messaging: the social acceptability of paring out the bullshit. So in a brief text message, which you're slow-poking out in "iTap English," it's OK not to include customary greetings and small-talk. Whereas, when we call someone, we feel like we have to go through the whole rigmarole of saying "Hi, how are you? I'm fine. What are you up to? How was X? and Y?" before we get to the point.
I used to get hung up on this point, before I realized that, if the small talk is awkward for me, it's probably just as awkward for the other person. So you might as well just call and cut the bullshit. Don't worry about asking me about my day; just spit out what you want to say, and save yourself a couple minutes of iTapping. If we all did that, wouldn't talking be so much more efficient? Wouldn't we be so much more comfortable with each other?
Which is not to say that we cut out polite conversation entirely; it's just that we need to recognize that it's OK to have gradations in the leisureliness of conversations. It's OK to acknowledge that we're all busy people and even though we care about our friends, we have to take care of our business too. I think this "no bullshit" approach in general would eliminate a lot of the "reading too much into things," this looking for hints in body language and things imagined to be unsaid, that causes so much drama.
For all these reasons - honesty, openness, efficiency, even courage - I present ... the Say "No" to Text Messages campaign.
So what do you think? Are text messages OK, or should we say no? What do you think of these lines of reasoning?
Also, how can I tell my new Pitt friends to stop text messaging me, in a polite way? If only for the sake of those 35 cents.
***Yes, I do realize that this was a very cowardly, passive-aggressive thing to do. Hey, I never said I was perfect.
It's not just the cost of text messaging, though. I do understand that sometimes text messaging is necessary (e.g. you're in lecture, your friend is 4 rows away from you, and you want to share some particularly clever witticism without passing notes back and forth). I'm OK with, even support, text messaging under those circumstances.
It's that I feel like written media - text messaging, e-mail, even letters - sometimes substitute for face-to-face interaction, for conversation, in a way that can even be described as cowardly. I mean, how many times have you, frustrated, hammered out a furious e-mail to someone to whom you've failed to confront face-to-face ? (The better question would be, how many times have *I* written such e-mails? And the answer would be ... no comment). In written media, you say things that you wouldn't dare to say in person. More subtle instances of fear of spoken interaction exist. For example, let's say I'm totally crushed out on a cute fellow med student who plays the guitar and is a vegan. (Totally hypothetical, of course). However, I'm afraid to show my true emotions, because I don't want to get hurt. So instead of calling him to ask him out - instead of risking that he discern my feelings, that I hear whether or not he hesitates - I text message him.
It's easy. Too easy. I'll channel Gracie Lyons' "Constructive Criticism" manual, when I say that communication between people would be so much easier if we thought a little bit about what we wanted to say, then said it in clear, decisive language, with concrete examples. No verbal sneaking-around. No being afraid. If we get hurt, we get hurt. At least we were honest and open.
There's also the other facet of text messaging: the social acceptability of paring out the bullshit. So in a brief text message, which you're slow-poking out in "iTap English," it's OK not to include customary greetings and small-talk. Whereas, when we call someone, we feel like we have to go through the whole rigmarole of saying "Hi, how are you? I'm fine. What are you up to? How was X? and Y?" before we get to the point.
I used to get hung up on this point, before I realized that, if the small talk is awkward for me, it's probably just as awkward for the other person. So you might as well just call and cut the bullshit. Don't worry about asking me about my day; just spit out what you want to say, and save yourself a couple minutes of iTapping. If we all did that, wouldn't talking be so much more efficient? Wouldn't we be so much more comfortable with each other?
Which is not to say that we cut out polite conversation entirely; it's just that we need to recognize that it's OK to have gradations in the leisureliness of conversations. It's OK to acknowledge that we're all busy people and even though we care about our friends, we have to take care of our business too. I think this "no bullshit" approach in general would eliminate a lot of the "reading too much into things," this looking for hints in body language and things imagined to be unsaid, that causes so much drama.
For all these reasons - honesty, openness, efficiency, even courage - I present ... the Say "No" to Text Messages campaign.
So what do you think? Are text messages OK, or should we say no? What do you think of these lines of reasoning?
Also, how can I tell my new Pitt friends to stop text messaging me, in a polite way? If only for the sake of those 35 cents.
***Yes, I do realize that this was a very cowardly, passive-aggressive thing to do. Hey, I never said I was perfect.