love...
So, Josh wrote this thing in his LJ that was pretty beautiful. It actually made me cry, and I hope he doesn't care, but I'm stealing it. It was about the notebook which I did not and will not see (don't really want to cry) but anyway, here's the parts I liked...
“They loved to be with each other, to play around and joke with each other, makeout with each other whenever no matter who was around. It was just them two in another happy dimension when they were close. To see the passionate kisses they shared, the kissed their souls and hearts at the same time. (I know it was acting, but this stuff happens). To embrace someone and tell them that you love them fully.
I want that kind of relationship where you just want to devote your whole existence into making there life happier with you in it.
To be with someone that wants you just as much as you want them. For both people to feel like they don't deserve the other, and to do anything to keep them.”
I feel like I had that once, but I gave it away. In the beginning, Adam and I were like that. There's nothing we wanted more than to hang out with each other, and he did so much for me. That one summer when my dad was just unbareable and made me cry like every other day, Adam would just hold me and let me cry. He wouldn't ask what was wrong because he didn't have to, he knew. He knew me so well. He wouldn't try to stop me from crying either, because he knew I couldn't stop until I was ready. I cried for a whole day once, literally like 6 hours, and he just held me and let me cry. We did have something beautiful, and he did make my life better.
We obviously lacked on the doing anything to keep each other part, because I gave up and I let go. And he let me let go. At the time it felt right, but sometimes now it feels so wrong.
It's not even two months yet, and I still feel so lost. I still feel like I don't know who I am. It's not that Adam made me who I was, but he helped me through so much. I feel like no one could ever know me that well, or that I could explain myself to someone that well. Adam just knew, he still knows. Things just feel so different. I guess I have a lor of soul searching to do...
How can someone be everything you've wanted, yet everything you can't handle at the same time? I don't get it. I wish he could change for me. I wish I could change for him.
It's not that I think I won't ever find someone better, it's just so insane to describe my life to people. I don't have to explain things to Adam because he already knows. If I tried to explain even half the stuff I went through with my dad, people would think I was crazy. Most people either think I just take him the wrong way, or that I'm too sensitive. But they don't understand the extent of it. Maybe Adam didn't either, but he dealt with it, and thats what I needed.
I don't know, this whole being single thing is so much harder than I thought. I'm obviously not used to it, but still. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Josh's entry just made me think of all the Adam stuff, and everything I once had, that I ruined.
Georgie told me it takes half the time you were together to get over the other person. Which means it'll take me a year and a half to FULLY get over Adam. That SUCKS!
On a better note, for not having a Valentine, I definately cleaned up! I got 16 Valentine's and a fake flower. One of my Valentine's was huge too. I put them all on the wall to make me smile.
The best one was the one I got from Niki, because it was very Wise (haha, that's her last name!) It said "The human heart is capable of feeling things the eyes will never see and things the mind will never understand." I like that...
“They loved to be with each other, to play around and joke with each other, makeout with each other whenever no matter who was around. It was just them two in another happy dimension when they were close. To see the passionate kisses they shared, the kissed their souls and hearts at the same time. (I know it was acting, but this stuff happens). To embrace someone and tell them that you love them fully.
I want that kind of relationship where you just want to devote your whole existence into making there life happier with you in it.
To be with someone that wants you just as much as you want them. For both people to feel like they don't deserve the other, and to do anything to keep them.”
I feel like I had that once, but I gave it away. In the beginning, Adam and I were like that. There's nothing we wanted more than to hang out with each other, and he did so much for me. That one summer when my dad was just unbareable and made me cry like every other day, Adam would just hold me and let me cry. He wouldn't ask what was wrong because he didn't have to, he knew. He knew me so well. He wouldn't try to stop me from crying either, because he knew I couldn't stop until I was ready. I cried for a whole day once, literally like 6 hours, and he just held me and let me cry. We did have something beautiful, and he did make my life better.
We obviously lacked on the doing anything to keep each other part, because I gave up and I let go. And he let me let go. At the time it felt right, but sometimes now it feels so wrong.
It's not even two months yet, and I still feel so lost. I still feel like I don't know who I am. It's not that Adam made me who I was, but he helped me through so much. I feel like no one could ever know me that well, or that I could explain myself to someone that well. Adam just knew, he still knows. Things just feel so different. I guess I have a lor of soul searching to do...
How can someone be everything you've wanted, yet everything you can't handle at the same time? I don't get it. I wish he could change for me. I wish I could change for him.
It's not that I think I won't ever find someone better, it's just so insane to describe my life to people. I don't have to explain things to Adam because he already knows. If I tried to explain even half the stuff I went through with my dad, people would think I was crazy. Most people either think I just take him the wrong way, or that I'm too sensitive. But they don't understand the extent of it. Maybe Adam didn't either, but he dealt with it, and thats what I needed.
I don't know, this whole being single thing is so much harder than I thought. I'm obviously not used to it, but still. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Josh's entry just made me think of all the Adam stuff, and everything I once had, that I ruined.
Georgie told me it takes half the time you were together to get over the other person. Which means it'll take me a year and a half to FULLY get over Adam. That SUCKS!
On a better note, for not having a Valentine, I definately cleaned up! I got 16 Valentine's and a fake flower. One of my Valentine's was huge too. I put them all on the wall to make me smile.
The best one was the one I got from Niki, because it was very Wise (haha, that's her last name!) It said "The human heart is capable of feeling things the eyes will never see and things the mind will never understand." I like that...